Comments on: How life is different living in the Philippines (Family Dynamics)

By: Bruce

Bruce — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 15:33:12 +0000

John Thomas,
Sounds like you are in a great life. I hope it continues and thanks for the good wishes of my site.

By: Davila John Thomas

Davila John Thomas — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 08:08:44 +0000

Bruce, god to see your busy trying to inform others of the culture here in the Phils.
New here myself (March of 2011) but having served in the Military in other countries I guess it is a bit easier for me to adapt to the life style here in the Phils. Also my wifes entire family has gone to and graduated from college and all have a professional job that keep them busy, along with a family.
Have I been to lucky not to have been asked to help support her extended family? Not so, just that we talked before my arrival here that it is not my intentions to provide for each and everyone else. Raised in a family of 9 kids myself, I know how hard it can be to make ends meet so
I limit the amounts we spend here, creating a savings for the wife if I pass on before her.
Love your answers to others, keep up the great work. I will be looking for more postings from you soon…..John

By: Bruce

Bruce — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 00:39:35 +0000

Anonymous,

As I have seen Filipino families think all foreigners are rich and try to take advantage of the couple. They are the same with family members who work abroad and come back to visit. At times I think they are vultures. I know many are poor, but the lack or respect is terrible.

By: anonymous

anonymous — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 09:32:45 +0000

Im very shy to my husband, maybe if he dont love me already leave me alone. Sometimes Filipino dont know what family means, once you are married either foreigner or Filipino, you are out of your parents.Your family is your husband and your kids.your parents and your brothers&sisters is your extended family.And because im married my first priority is my son. If they understand what family means maybe they will let me and my husband go on with our life.If the parents cannot support thier kids until they can support themselves ,,the parents is not bad, but if me as a daughter cannot give what they want cannot help is a bad daughter,,,who have more responsible me or my parents???????/why they cannot wait with what i can afford to give??

By: anonymous

anonymous — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 09:15:00 +0000

Hi Bruce,
I am married by African guy, currently living in Davao.
But i have a very big problem when my husband and i decided to stay here.my parents, brothers and sisters look at my husband as a very bad guy, because my husband cannot give what they want,they hate me too.They like to compare my husband to some other foreigner that they build big houses for the parents of thier wife,and for them my husband dont build. i felt bad because for me my husband is very good guy, he is very responsible.we have one year old son.My father is shy to the neighbors around because her daughter married foriegner but he is staying in his old wooden house.They dont know how to appreciate small things i gave to them.Its too much pressure for me because i have my life to live too.if my husband complain because they are watching tv in our sala the whole day, they also say bad to my husband.Sometimes i felt regret why we decided to live here.

By: Bruce

Bruce — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 12:55:23 +0000

Gabriela,

You are right. Many times in an argument, my wife tells m “you are not in America.” I believe in respect for peoples belongings. When family is here with little kids and they run around and jump on furniture, I ask their parent to control them. I am then told “They are kids, they do not know.”

I tell them, I was taught as a child how to respect belongings, especially in others homes. Here kids are allowed to destroy anything and it is ok.

By: Bruce

Bruce — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 12:28:26 +0000

Gabriela,

Please I ask again, use Capital letters at the start of a sentence and peoples names. Also paragraph breaks. Your comments are informative and I would like all readers to easily read your comments and enjoy what you have to say.

You are correct, many Filipinos think all foreigners are rich, either living in the Philippines or abroad. Especially with the economic conditions around the world many people do not have jobs, or if they do, their income is just enough to survive.

Here in the Philippines I am still asked from many Filipinos while their hand is out “Where is my Christmas present.” Even in America we do not give gifts to everyone we know. Here it feels insulting to be asked constantly. I usually reply with my hand out, “Where is my gift?”

I know the Filipino culture is to help others in need such as some rice or food if a friend has nothing to feed their family. But to ask casual friends from abroad to support them is not something most cultures do. Plus as you mention, you and your husband help when you can, but you have expenses and need to survive too.

I would tell your friends your situation and if they cannot understand, and are insulted that you will not help, then they are not a true friend.

By: gabriela

gabriela — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 10:33:30 +0000

hi bruce, its me again !
partly i understand why my friend can say something like that- because her ( still married but separate )boyfriend is a businessman , and used to give her and her family a help or support anytime she needed.but i want her to understant or to know that first and foremost, my german husband has their own culture – we just can´t expect them to follow ours just because he has a filipina wife.i also find it unfair, if its just always the foreigner has to adjust- as a couple we have to understand each other´s views or cultures. but isnt it a shame to put the responsibility to them ( foreigner husbands /wives ), which they should not shoulder ?first of all, we are a family, we have our own expenses and he has to make sure we live a good and safe life,especially to our child.we help my family in philippines too, but only if it´s an emergency or necessary cases.you know bruce, everytime we send some money to my family, we also have to reduce our expenses here to be able to give some for them.and yet, some people will say my husband is selfish just because we can´t send money anytime they ask for something, or a business investment
like some filipinas who got a foreigner husband, or some luxury things like owning a computer, even if it´s already hard to bring food at home everyday.you know bruce, its not the words “WE DON´T “, it is ” WE CAN NOT “. and filipinos dont understand and will not even try to consider that fact.i told my friend, why some (not all) foreigners has less respect to us, is because we give them the reason. to some , they even called our style of marrying them, a bargain .because some ( i will not say in general ) only marry a foreinger for money , for financial security including the rest of the family (which i feel really pity for the foreigner), even if there is no love involved (yet,maybe later it grows).i said i feel pity for the foreigners because i am in a situation where the filipinos think bad about my husband or put him down( without him knowing it), just because we are not rich or we dont have money to support my family in philippines.i also feel sorry for my family but what can i do ? we just can give what we can give.we just can give if we have. even if its not his responsibilty.

By: gabriela

gabriela — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 13:33:36 +0000

hi bruce, its me again !
partly i understand why my friend can say something like that- because her ( still married but separate )boyfriend is a businessman , and used to give her and her family a help or support anytime she needed.but i want her to understant or to know that first and foremost, my german husband has their own culture – we just can´t expect them to follow ours just because he has a filipina wife.i also find it unfair, if its just always the foreigner has to adjust- as a couple we have to understand each other´s views or cultures. but isnt it a shame to put the responsibility to them ( foreigner husbands /wives ), which they should not shoulder ?first of all, we are a family, we have our own expenses and he has to make sure we live a good and safe life,especially to our child.we help my family in philippines too, but only if it´s an emergency or necessary cases.you know bruce, everytime we send some money to my family, we also have to reduce our expenses here to be able to give some for them.and yet, some people will say my husband is selfish just because we can´t send money anytime they ask for something, or a business investment like some filipinas who got a foreigner husband, or some luxury things like owning a computer, even if it´s already hard to bring food at home everyday.you know bruce, its not the words “WE DON´T “, it is ” WE CAN NOT “. and filipinos dont understand and will not even try to consider that fact.i told my friend, why some (not all) foreigners has less respect to us, is because we give them the reason. to some , they even called our style of marrying them, a bargain .because some ( i will not say in general ) only marry a foreinger for money , for financial security including the rest of the family (which i feel really pity for the foreigner), even if there is no love involved (yet,maybe later it grows).i said i feel pity for the foreigners because i am in a situation where the filipinos think bad about my husband or put him down( without him knowing it), just because we are not rich or we dont have money to support my family in philippines.i also feel sorry for my family but what can i do ? we just can give what we can give.we just can give if we have. even if its not his responsibilty.

By: Bruce

Bruce — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 14:21:02 +0000

Gabriela,

I hear all the time how Filipinos think everyone in America and Europe are rich. I do agree, most of the poor in America live better than the poor or lower class workers here, but everything is based on the country, the people and the past. Your fried sounds like a contradiction. She complains about the foreigner staying at a neighbors and then says as long as he is not selfish. As with gossip or Tsismis here, many Filipinos have and need to talk about everyone, whether they know the persons involved or just to open their mouth and cause trouble.

One favor, you sound educated, but could you try using upper case letters when needed. Your comment is difficult to read.