Comments on: How life is different living in the Philippines (Family Dynamics) http://americanindavao.com/blog/2009/07/how-life-is-different-living-in-the-philippines-family-dynamics/ A Forum about an American Expat Living in Davao, Philippines Sat, 04 Sep 2010 00:57:31 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Bruce http://americanindavao.com/blog/2009/07/how-life-is-different-living-in-the-philippines-family-dynamics/comment-page-1/#comment-6327 Bruce Wed, 13 Jan 2010 12:55:23 +0000 http://americanindavao.com/blog/?p=951#comment-6327 Gabriela, You are right. Many times in an argument, my wife tells m "you are not in America." I believe in respect for peoples belongings. When family is here with little kids and they run around and jump on furniture, I ask their parent to control them. I am then told "They are kids, they do not know." I tell them, I was taught as a child how to respect belongings, especially in others homes. Here kids are allowed to destroy anything and it is ok. Gabriela,

You are right. Many times in an argument, my wife tells m “you are not in America.” I believe in respect for peoples belongings. When family is here with little kids and they run around and jump on furniture, I ask their parent to control them. I am then told “They are kids, they do not know.”

I tell them, I was taught as a child how to respect belongings, especially in others homes. Here kids are allowed to destroy anything and it is ok.

]]> By: Bruce http://americanindavao.com/blog/2009/07/how-life-is-different-living-in-the-philippines-family-dynamics/comment-page-1/#comment-6321 Bruce Wed, 13 Jan 2010 12:28:26 +0000 http://americanindavao.com/blog/?p=951#comment-6321 Gabriela, Please I ask again, use Capital letters at the start of a sentence and peoples names. Also paragraph breaks. Your comments are informative and I would like all readers to easily read your comments and enjoy what you have to say. You are correct, many Filipinos think all foreigners are rich, either living in the Philippines or abroad. Especially with the economic conditions around the world many people do not have jobs, or if they do, their income is just enough to survive. Here in the Philippines I am still asked from many Filipinos while their hand is out "Where is my Christmas present." Even in America we do not give gifts to everyone we know. Here it feels insulting to be asked constantly. I usually reply with my hand out, "Where is my gift?" I know the Filipino culture is to help others in need such as some rice or food if a friend has nothing to feed their family. But to ask casual friends from abroad to support them is not something most cultures do. Plus as you mention, you and your husband help when you can, but you have expenses and need to survive too. I would tell your friends your situation and if they cannot understand, and are insulted that you will not help, then they are not a true friend. Gabriela,

Please I ask again, use Capital letters at the start of a sentence and peoples names. Also paragraph breaks. Your comments are informative and I would like all readers to easily read your comments and enjoy what you have to say.

You are correct, many Filipinos think all foreigners are rich, either living in the Philippines or abroad. Especially with the economic conditions around the world many people do not have jobs, or if they do, their income is just enough to survive.

Here in the Philippines I am still asked from many Filipinos while their hand is out “Where is my Christmas present.” Even in America we do not give gifts to everyone we know. Here it feels insulting to be asked constantly. I usually reply with my hand out, “Where is my gift?”

I know the Filipino culture is to help others in need such as some rice or food if a friend has nothing to feed their family. But to ask casual friends from abroad to support them is not something most cultures do. Plus as you mention, you and your husband help when you can, but you have expenses and need to survive too.

I would tell your friends your situation and if they cannot understand, and are insulted that you will not help, then they are not a true friend.

]]> By: gabriela http://americanindavao.com/blog/2009/07/how-life-is-different-living-in-the-philippines-family-dynamics/comment-page-1/#comment-6315 gabriela Wed, 13 Jan 2010 10:33:30 +0000 http://americanindavao.com/blog/?p=951#comment-6315 hi bruce, its me again ! partly i understand why my friend can say something like that- because her ( still married but separate )boyfriend is a businessman , and used to give her and her family a help or support anytime she needed.but i want her to understant or to know that first and foremost, my german husband has their own culture – we just can´t expect them to follow ours just because he has a filipina wife.i also find it unfair, if its just always the foreigner has to adjust- as a couple we have to understand each other´s views or cultures. but isnt it a shame to put the responsibility to them ( foreigner husbands /wives ), which they should not shoulder ?first of all, we are a family, we have our own expenses and he has to make sure we live a good and safe life,especially to our child.we help my family in philippines too, but only if it´s an emergency or necessary cases.you know bruce, everytime we send some money to my family, we also have to reduce our expenses here to be able to give some for them.and yet, some people will say my husband is selfish just because we can´t send money anytime they ask for something, or a business investment like some filipinas who got a foreigner husband, or some luxury things like owning a computer, even if it´s already hard to bring food at home everyday.you know bruce, its not the words “WE DON´T “, it is ” WE CAN NOT “. and filipinos dont understand and will not even try to consider that fact.i told my friend, why some (not all) foreigners has less respect to us, is because we give them the reason. to some , they even called our style of marrying them, a bargain .because some ( i will not say in general ) only marry a foreinger for money , for financial security including the rest of the family (which i feel really pity for the foreigner), even if there is no love involved (yet,maybe later it grows).i said i feel pity for the foreigners because i am in a situation where the filipinos think bad about my husband or put him down( without him knowing it), just because we are not rich or we dont have money to support my family in philippines.i also feel sorry for my family but what can i do ? we just can give what we can give.we just can give if we have. even if its not his responsibilty. hi bruce, its me again !
partly i understand why my friend can say something like that- because her ( still married but separate )boyfriend is a businessman , and used to give her and her family a help or support anytime she needed.but i want her to understant or to know that first and foremost, my german husband has their own culture – we just can´t expect them to follow ours just because he has a filipina wife.i also find it unfair, if its just always the foreigner has to adjust- as a couple we have to understand each other´s views or cultures. but isnt it a shame to put the responsibility to them ( foreigner husbands /wives ), which they should not shoulder ?first of all, we are a family, we have our own expenses and he has to make sure we live a good and safe life,especially to our child.we help my family in philippines too, but only if it´s an emergency or necessary cases.you know bruce, everytime we send some money to my family, we also have to reduce our expenses here to be able to give some for them.and yet, some people will say my husband is selfish just because we can´t send money anytime they ask for something, or a business investment
like some filipinas who got a foreigner husband, or some luxury things like owning a computer, even if it´s already hard to bring food at home everyday.you know bruce, its not the words “WE DON´T “, it is ” WE CAN NOT “. and filipinos dont understand and will not even try to consider that fact.i told my friend, why some (not all) foreigners has less respect to us, is because we give them the reason. to some , they even called our style of marrying them, a bargain .because some ( i will not say in general ) only marry a foreinger for money , for financial security including the rest of the family (which i feel really pity for the foreigner), even if there is no love involved (yet,maybe later it grows).i said i feel pity for the foreigners because i am in a situation where the filipinos think bad about my husband or put him down( without him knowing it), just because we are not rich or we dont have money to support my family in philippines.i also feel sorry for my family but what can i do ? we just can give what we can give.we just can give if we have. even if its not his responsibilty.

]]> By: gabriela http://americanindavao.com/blog/2009/07/how-life-is-different-living-in-the-philippines-family-dynamics/comment-page-1/#comment-6291 gabriela Mon, 11 Jan 2010 13:33:36 +0000 http://americanindavao.com/blog/?p=951#comment-6291 hi bruce, its me again ! partly i understand why my friend can say something like that- because her ( still married but separate )boyfriend is a businessman , and used to give her and her family a help or support anytime she needed.but i want her to understant or to know that first and foremost, my german husband has their own culture - we just can´t expect them to follow ours just because he has a filipina wife.i also find it unfair, if its just always the foreigner has to adjust- as a couple we have to understand each other´s views or cultures. but isnt it a shame to put the responsibility to them ( foreigner husbands /wives ), which they should not shoulder ?first of all, we are a family, we have our own expenses and he has to make sure we live a good and safe life,especially to our child.we help my family in philippines too, but only if it´s an emergency or necessary cases.you know bruce, everytime we send some money to my family, we also have to reduce our expenses here to be able to give some for them.and yet, some people will say my husband is selfish just because we can´t send money anytime they ask for something, or a business investment like some filipinas who got a foreigner husband, or some luxury things like owning a computer, even if it´s already hard to bring food at home everyday.you know bruce, its not the words "WE DON´T ", it is " WE CAN NOT ". and filipinos dont understand and will not even try to consider that fact.i told my friend, why some (not all) foreigners has less respect to us, is because we give them the reason. to some , they even called our style of marrying them, a bargain .because some ( i will not say in general ) only marry a foreinger for money , for financial security including the rest of the family (which i feel really pity for the foreigner), even if there is no love involved (yet,maybe later it grows).i said i feel pity for the foreigners because i am in a situation where the filipinos think bad about my husband or put him down( without him knowing it), just because we are not rich or we dont have money to support my family in philippines.i also feel sorry for my family but what can i do ? we just can give what we can give.we just can give if we have. even if its not his responsibilty. hi bruce, its me again !
partly i understand why my friend can say something like that- because her ( still married but separate )boyfriend is a businessman , and used to give her and her family a help or support anytime she needed.but i want her to understant or to know that first and foremost, my german husband has their own culture – we just can´t expect them to follow ours just because he has a filipina wife.i also find it unfair, if its just always the foreigner has to adjust- as a couple we have to understand each other´s views or cultures. but isnt it a shame to put the responsibility to them ( foreigner husbands /wives ), which they should not shoulder ?first of all, we are a family, we have our own expenses and he has to make sure we live a good and safe life,especially to our child.we help my family in philippines too, but only if it´s an emergency or necessary cases.you know bruce, everytime we send some money to my family, we also have to reduce our expenses here to be able to give some for them.and yet, some people will say my husband is selfish just because we can´t send money anytime they ask for something, or a business investment like some filipinas who got a foreigner husband, or some luxury things like owning a computer, even if it´s already hard to bring food at home everyday.you know bruce, its not the words “WE DON´T “, it is ” WE CAN NOT “. and filipinos dont understand and will not even try to consider that fact.i told my friend, why some (not all) foreigners has less respect to us, is because we give them the reason. to some , they even called our style of marrying them, a bargain .because some ( i will not say in general ) only marry a foreinger for money , for financial security including the rest of the family (which i feel really pity for the foreigner), even if there is no love involved (yet,maybe later it grows).i said i feel pity for the foreigners because i am in a situation where the filipinos think bad about my husband or put him down( without him knowing it), just because we are not rich or we dont have money to support my family in philippines.i also feel sorry for my family but what can i do ? we just can give what we can give.we just can give if we have. even if its not his responsibilty.

]]> By: Bruce http://americanindavao.com/blog/2009/07/how-life-is-different-living-in-the-philippines-family-dynamics/comment-page-1/#comment-6276 Bruce Sun, 10 Jan 2010 14:21:02 +0000 http://americanindavao.com/blog/?p=951#comment-6276 Gabriela, I hear all the time how Filipinos think everyone in America and Europe are rich. I do agree, most of the poor in America live better than the poor or lower class workers here, but everything is based on the country, the people and the past. Your fried sounds like a contradiction. She complains about the foreigner staying at a neighbors and then says as long as he is not selfish. As with gossip or Tsismis here, many Filipinos have and need to talk about everyone, whether they know the persons involved or just to open their mouth and cause trouble. One favor, you sound educated, but could you try using upper case letters when needed. Your comment is difficult to read. Gabriela,

I hear all the time how Filipinos think everyone in America and Europe are rich. I do agree, most of the poor in America live better than the poor or lower class workers here, but everything is based on the country, the people and the past. Your fried sounds like a contradiction. She complains about the foreigner staying at a neighbors and then says as long as he is not selfish. As with gossip or Tsismis here, many Filipinos have and need to talk about everyone, whether they know the persons involved or just to open their mouth and cause trouble.

One favor, you sound educated, but could you try using upper case letters when needed. Your comment is difficult to read.

]]> By: gabriela http://americanindavao.com/blog/2009/07/how-life-is-different-living-in-the-philippines-family-dynamics/comment-page-1/#comment-6263 gabriela Sun, 10 Jan 2010 10:55:18 +0000 http://americanindavao.com/blog/?p=951#comment-6263 hallo bruce !i can totally agree with you.i am a filipino too. i am now in germany and married to a german citizen,and we have a 6 yr old child.yesterday i had a chat with my friend since college days, who lives in philippines.we used to chat, not too often but we always tried to keep in touch.i just borrowed some money from her,about 50 euro 2 weeks ago, to send it to my sister who is also in philippines.yesterday she just received my payment- i send her 60 euro, i added 10 euro as my way of saying thank you.when we were chatting,out of the blue,she mentioned she had a neighboor who married a foreigner from belgium.and that she dont like her anymore because she started to be arrogant.she also added, " hmp,they can´t even afford for a hotel,instead they stayed in her( filipina) family´s house.for sure the foreigner is just a simply worker there " With her statement,i told her she can´t easily judge their financial status just by staying at the filipina´s house and not in a hotel.i also said, well i agree with u,if she became arrogant just beacuse she got a foreigner then she can really cause a vomit.especially if all the sources of everything she has now is from his foreigner husband. after i said that bruce,my friend replied "that´s okay, as long as the husband is not selfish " i really wonder why she talked like that,as if she was telling those words for me!so i told her,u know what tha´s the typical way of filipino thinking,once the husband can´t give something to the filipina family or so,the husband is selfish !then she replied "what is euro in peso?", so i replied "ja that´s exactly the mistake, we always think euro is big so we are richer here?without thinking the standard living here? that´s how our conversation ends.coz she signed out without saying goodbye to me. hallo bruce !i can totally agree with you.i am a filipino too. i am now in germany and married to a german citizen,and we have a 6 yr old child.yesterday i had a chat with my friend since college days, who lives in philippines.we used to chat, not too often but we always tried to keep in touch.i just borrowed some money from her,about 50 euro 2 weeks ago, to send it to my sister who is also in philippines.yesterday she just received my payment- i send her 60 euro, i added 10 euro as my way of saying thank you.when we were chatting,out of the blue,she mentioned she had a neighboor who married a foreigner from belgium.and that she dont like her anymore because she started to be arrogant.she also added, ” hmp,they can´t even afford for a hotel,instead they stayed in her( filipina) family´s house.for sure the foreigner is just a simply worker there ”
With her statement,i told her she can´t easily judge their financial status just by staying at the filipina´s house and not in a hotel.i also said, well i agree with u,if she became arrogant just beacuse she got a foreigner then she can really cause a vomit.especially if all the sources of everything she has now is from his foreigner husband. after i said that bruce,my friend replied “that´s okay, as long as the husband is not selfish ” i really wonder why she talked like that,as if she was telling those words for me!so i told her,u know what tha´s the typical way of filipino thinking,once the husband can´t give something to the filipina family or so,the husband is selfish !then she replied “what is euro in peso?”, so i replied “ja that´s exactly the mistake, we always think euro is big so we are richer here?without thinking the standard living here? that´s how our conversation ends.coz she signed out without saying goodbye to me.

]]> By: Bruce http://americanindavao.com/blog/2009/07/how-life-is-different-living-in-the-philippines-family-dynamics/comment-page-1/#comment-6028 Bruce Sun, 27 Dec 2009 08:58:19 +0000 http://americanindavao.com/blog/?p=951#comment-6028 Anonymous, With your first trip you opened the door to be an open wallet to your friends family. I think you need to explain your concerns to your friend before your arrival. Set boundaries before you get here. If your friend acts insulted, then maybe you were only invited to spend your money. Anonymous,
With your first trip you opened the door to be an open wallet to your friends family. I think you need to explain your concerns to your friend before your arrival. Set boundaries before you get here. If your friend acts insulted, then maybe you were only invited to spend your money.

]]> By: Anonymous http://americanindavao.com/blog/2009/07/how-life-is-different-living-in-the-philippines-family-dynamics/comment-page-1/#comment-6025 Anonymous Sun, 27 Dec 2009 06:32:50 +0000 http://americanindavao.com/blog/?p=951#comment-6025 I'm planning another trip to the Philippines, to visit my Filipino boyfriend who is there now. Last time we were there together, it seemed to be that everyone does everything together and I was the one to foot all the bills. I was trying to be nice, and wanted them to like me. But I ended up paying for so many things for everybody. Who says a trip to the Philippines is cheap. I am worried that my upcoming visit will be the same problem so I think I will have to set ground rules and not do any activities with the entire family. It saddens me , the thought of avoiding everyone, but I am living in fear of a simple trip to the mall, when 7 or more family members might come along and I am the only one with enough money to buy lunch. I am a little bit broke and spent over my budget on a ticket there. They all seem to think that I am rich. Well, maybe I am to them, but I still need to save my money! I’m planning another trip to the Philippines, to visit my Filipino boyfriend who is there now. Last time we were there together, it seemed to be that everyone does everything together and I was the one to foot all the bills. I was trying to be nice, and wanted them to like me. But I ended up paying for so many things for everybody. Who says a trip to the Philippines is cheap. I am worried that my upcoming visit will be the same problem so I think I will have to set ground rules and not do any activities with the entire family. It saddens me , the thought of avoiding everyone, but I am living in fear of a simple trip to the mall, when 7 or more family members might come along and I am the only one with enough money to buy lunch. I am a little bit broke and spent over my budget on a ticket there. They all seem to think that I am rich. Well, maybe I am to them, but I still need to save my money!

]]> By: Bruce http://americanindavao.com/blog/2009/07/how-life-is-different-living-in-the-philippines-family-dynamics/comment-page-1/#comment-4776 Bruce Wed, 14 Oct 2009 00:29:48 +0000 http://americanindavao.com/blog/?p=951#comment-4776 Jon, Life and culture is defiantly different. In America, you are lucky if your parents help you and cannot expect siblings or extended family to give you a dime in need. He it is expected. As an American in the Philippines with a Filipino extended family, many think I am rich and boldly as for gifts until I explain how my money is tight and cannot afford to support them. If they are insulted and stop visiting me, that is their choice. Jon,
Life and culture is defiantly different. In America, you are lucky if your parents help you and cannot expect siblings or extended family to give you a dime in need. He it is expected.
As an American in the Philippines with a Filipino extended family, many think I am rich and boldly as for gifts until I explain how my money is tight and cannot afford to support them. If they are insulted and stop visiting me, that is their choice.

]]> By: Jon http://americanindavao.com/blog/2009/07/how-life-is-different-living-in-the-philippines-family-dynamics/comment-page-1/#comment-4772 Jon Tue, 13 Oct 2009 18:02:36 +0000 http://americanindavao.com/blog/?p=951#comment-4772 I stumbled by accident on your website through the website of another by just googling something and then it kind of interesting and hooked me to explore it. what an informative site especially learning this culture. By the way Im a Filipino who became an American citizen a few years back and married to a Filipina who is also a naturalized American. I really like america, in fact even before I came to america, I already "dream", "breathe","sleep" and "eat" with it. I think for me america is everything. My co-workers even joked that Im really an American patriot because I never fail to wear my tiny US flag pin everytime I go to work. And with this.....I think I lost also or intentionally left behind what filipino is including culture(except pacquiao)but my wife remains a filipina by heart. That's why you nailed it here and for me to reoriented where I came from look back to this kind of culture. You are right that the oldest sibling who is more blessed will extend that blessings to the other siblings...and if he is more generous and more blssed, will even share that blessings to other distant relatives.Like what my big brother did when he first came to the US. I am what i am today because of that extended blessings he gave. Now I don't do what he did, first, because we are all finished schooling now and all have jobs, and second, probably im not that generous:) Yes those extended families sometimes irritate me or maybe you too before, it irritates me that most of them think that we in america are all rich that we just shovel millions of dollars in the streets of america for free. A culture that on your birthday , they expect you to buy them anything.....and etc..truly those things irritate me.... But what i don't realized is that I used to be like that too an irritant to some balikbayans from US who come back to the philippines and so excited of their presents which I told them to bring...... I stumbled by accident on your website through the website of another by just googling something and then it kind of interesting and hooked me to explore it. what an informative site especially learning this culture.
By the way Im a Filipino who became an American citizen a few years back and married to a Filipina who is also a naturalized American.
I really like america, in fact even before I came to america, I already “dream”, “breathe”,”sleep” and “eat” with it. I think for me america is everything. My co-workers even joked that Im really an American patriot because I never fail to wear my tiny US flag pin everytime I go to work.
And with this…..I think I lost also or intentionally left behind what filipino is including culture(except pacquiao)but my wife remains a filipina by heart.
That’s why you nailed it here and for me to reoriented where I came from look back to this kind of culture.
You are right that the oldest sibling who is more blessed will extend that blessings to the other siblings…and if he is more generous and more blssed, will even share that blessings to other distant relatives.Like what my big brother did when he first came to the US. I am what i am today because of that extended blessings he gave. Now I don’t do what he did, first, because we are all finished schooling now and all have jobs, and second, probably im not that generous:)
Yes those extended families sometimes irritate me or maybe you too before, it irritates me that most of them think that we in america are all rich that we just shovel millions of dollars in the streets of america for free. A culture that on your birthday , they expect you to buy them anything…..and etc..truly those things irritate me….
But what i don’t realized is that I used to be like that too an irritant to some balikbayans from US who come back to the philippines and so excited of their presents which I told them to bring……

]]>