Comments on: Look before you Leap

By: Bruce

Bruce — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 01:06:08 +0000

Christine,
About love, even in arranged marriages with a good relationship, love can develop. Not all men want a young 18-29 year old. For me, I wanted a lady with experience in life and maturity. I did not want a lady I had to decide everything and end up having a daughter as a wife. Everyone is different and makes their own choices.

By: Christine

Christine — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 00:30:45 +0000

Hi Bruce, a very thought provoking post. While I agree with some of your bloggers that this man is a bit “loose in the head” for planning something like this, I can, on the other hand understand his motives. Loneliness is very real in the west, especially amongst the elderly. As a Nurse, I have heard the aged person say, waiting for death (especially in a nursing home) is like waiting for your bus to come along. Very sad. It really amazes me that some of my patients have 5 or more children, and yet not one can take care of him or her. I was familiar with the case of the elderly American in CDO this year. I followed it in LIP. James Mussellwhite (LIP blogger) actually wrote a very honest, no nonsense comment about that case. Like you, I donot know this person or the lady he was chatting with. But I believed that the reason why he is concealing his disability is because he is terrified that she will reject him. I think he might be hoping that once they actually meet, he can persuade her to accept him, with some “sweeteners” perhaps? But it is a big gamble, just like every other foreigner who met their ladies on line and deciding to settle there.

Bruce, in this post you commented “if all is well, in time real love will happen”. Really? I kinda have some reservations about this statement. If that were true, then why do foreign spouses continue to do the required period of stay in the marriage (in the case of Oz, it is 2 years and 2 months) then leave once they get the permanent residency? Others can’t even wait for the 2 year requirement and leave anyway. (I’m saying spouses because this applies to men here as well, albeit a minority).

As for the lady in question in this case, at aged 40, with children, she really does not have a great prospect in the Phil. unless she comes from a wealthy family and has an established career. I would guess not, for why else would she be chatting with an elderly gentleman on line. She may be genuine and will appreciate the change in life (hoping for a better one) with this elderly gentleman, and would accept being the carer and spouse as well. She might also accept him in the beginning. But what would happen if she would get tired of caring for him? And there is always that possibility that she is just a scammer. There is really no way of knowing. I hope he will make a wiser decicion and good luck to him. Just my 2 bob’s worth, Bruce. Have a nice day.

By: Per

Per — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 20:06:38 +0000

Good post!

By: Bruce

Bruce — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 08:15:35 +0000

Matt,
To bring her to America you need either a fiancee visa, spousal visa if you marry her here or a job contract. All 3 are expensive and takes time.
Also you only met her one time on vacation. Spent a week, 2 or maybe even a month together. I do not think you really know her. Even if you spend your next vacation with her, she will be your everything.
If you decide to bring her to the US to marry her. Make sure your finances are secure. I have heard many stories of foreign ladies, not just Filipinas marrying for green card and then leaving and getting a divorce.
That happened to me with my first wife. She was in the US illegally with her mom, dad and siblings. Two years after she received her card, she packed up, walked out and filed for divorce.
To many Filipinas a foreigner is a way out of the Philippines and/or security if he moves here.
Without knowing her and her family, there is no way I can advise. About a kid, get a vasectomy and tell her it was done before you met her.
Best of luck with what ever your choice.

By: Bruce

Bruce — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 08:00:09 +0000

David,
Thank you. I hope my advice will help someone in a distant relationship to think first.

By: Matt Niedz

Matt Niedz — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:45:07 +0000

my Girl Friend (met in Subic on diving trip 3/08) wants to move with me to New York where I live and work……find a job…and be productive she says. Of course, she will send money back to “the family”….that is her right what to do with her earned dollars. She will be required to chip in for food and rent too. Next March will be 2 years staying in touch. I’m just nervous about our age difference of 25 years and her lack of determination in maintaining employment, she also stated she wants a baby by age 25!!! I told her I’m not into kids, but she said that will be her pride and joy. I never married and no kids. Just a HS grad, she has only had 2-3 waitress jobs since leaving High School! I have been sending her $100 every 2 months to help her out. We both love each other, but am I robbing this girl of a more lucrative life experience with someone closer to her age? What insight, guidence, advise, anything can you offer me. Visiting Coron, Palawan this November for some diving and yes, making the decision “to be, or not to be” that is the question???? Matt, Long Island, NY

By: David B Katague

David B Katague — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:22:42 +0000

Bruce enjoy the article and the You Tube video. Cheers! David

By: Bruce

Bruce — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 01:55:30 +0000

Maria,
Just because he had a stroke does not mean he is dying. There are many that live a long time after a stroke. Also it sounds like his money is not large, not all Americans are rich, look at me.
There could be deceit on both sides, we do not know.
The point is moving here to be with a lady he never met in person in a country he really does not know is past foolish.

By: Bruce

Bruce — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 01:52:28 +0000

Alan,
I agree. I get many emails and hear stories of Forigners who canot find their internet girlfriend and others who have gone broke supporting their filipinas family.
Comming here with no real plan or understanding life here is a fool. Even though I visited a few times and read all I could, I am still learning.
I think this guy in my article is a fool, but as the saying goes; fools rush in …….

By: maria

maria — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 10:44:44 +0000

bruce
sounds like his brain has paralyzes too. he must be ready to kick the bucket but doesnt have the courage to admit that fact to himself and those near to him now. so its better to let someone else and in his agenda, a filipina be the scapegoat for his exit from this life.
i didnt read he had money, LOTS OF IT, ha, ha, ha. because if he has, this fact changes alot of variables. maybe this filipina will be accepting of him and take good care of him due to that knowledge and if he tells her he will be leaving her with a healthty bank account.
to start a relationship with deceit of his physical abilities, to just show up surprizing a woman like that. he is out of his cotton picking mind expecting her to welcome him with open arms and be his caregiver.