In addition, many would like to hear I have failed. Well life is not easy but I am surviving. It has been hard but rewarding too. I work many hours and when I can, I work six or seven days a week. It is also difficult only being able to see Elena over the internet. Even with the reduced visitors, I will not engage in the dishonest practice of “long hauling”, driving on the traffic clogged Strip or even short changing.

In addition, the Sunday after Thanksgiving, my apartment was robbed. I know it was an inside job, but cannot prove it. My TV’s, cameras, and two laptops were stolen and about $1500 in cash. The worst part was, even though they did not take my desktop computer, they stole my external hard drive, which had all the photographs from my last 3 years. All my photos of my live in the Philippines are gone except what I could get back from my web site. The cash included the moneys donated by friends here and readers of this site.

Now for some good news

Tuesday December 21, I received in the mail a notice from USCIS, United States Citizenship and Immigration Services. The notice was to let me know our petition for Elena’s Spousal Visa was approved. This was so exciting I called my mother and brother and sent text messages to hurry Elena online to tell her. We are now on the last legs of a long journey.

On Thursday, December 23, Elena held the party for the kids at Agdao. As I heard and saw from the photos, it was a huge success. Each child had a Jollibee lunch, a gift bag with a shirt, a doll for the girls and a toy car for the boys and some candy. For most of these children, they have never experienced being inside or having a meal at Jollibee. They also received the ingredients to make spaghetti to bring home for their family to have a real “Noche Buena” (Christmas Eve). On Friday morning, Elena will return to Agdao to give out a roast chicken to each child to bring home. A huge part of this is from a reader who had taken our cause to heart and donated $350.00 to the kid’s party and $100 for Elena to give to the family of Angelica, the little girl I wrote about a while back.

All I will say is I will keep this generous mans identify secret unless he wants to let his name be known.

About a week ago, another driver told me, the new hotel Cosmopolitan was offering a free night with $150 credit for food and drinks in any of the restaurants and buffet for two to  taxi drivers who call a special number. Well I got through made my reservation. I only wish Elena was here to experience this night. Cosmopolitan is a hotel, condominium, casino at the City Center here in Las Vegas. I went Wednesday night December 22. It was wonderful except I was alone and Elena was not here to share it.

The room was on the 17th floor overlooking the lake and fountains at the Bellagio. The room was a Studio configuration with a larger bathroom including a separate toilet room and a large walk in shower. Then the main room was divided into a living room and a bedroom. There was two large LCD TVs and with the remote you can turn on, off or dim every light in the room individually or all per room. There was a terrace with a small couch and ottoman.

I invited a driver friend to join me for dinner and he came with his girlfriend. We went to the STK steak house. I had a 24 oz porterhouse steak for $65. It was so good; I even bit off the remaining meet off the bone.

While walking around I took many photos, but want to share this: a ceiling painted like an eye over some tables.

The next morning I went to the breakfast buffet, which was wonderful. I had a bagel loaded with lox an omelet, bacon and a fruit crepe on my first plate and some pancakes and French toast on my second plate. I made myself stop there so not to get sick.

I worked Christmas day and as the rest of the past week, it was dead. I have not had a good week since before Thanksgiving except for the week the National Finals Rodeo was in town.

It has gotten cold in Las Vegas. The mornings are as low as 31 degrees F in the early morning and up to only high 50’s during the day. We have had some rainy days too and luckily, I have two drivers who will give me a ride. With the Scooter, I create my own 40 mph wind chill so I bundle up well and still get cold riding to work in the early morning hours.

To all my readers who have stayed with me, I hope you all had a wonderful and Merry Christmas and wish you all a Safe, Happy and Prosperous New Year.

I have put all photos of both events on Picasa, so  you can click the links below to see them. There are a few videos of the room at Cosmo and the fountains at the Bellagio.

Click to  see all the Kids Party Photos

Click to see the photos at the Cosmopolitan

I just read Tom Martin’s post and his last comment rang true to me as well. Bruce met my wife and me for lunch before he left for Vegas. We chatted about many things. He was a little upset due to some expats comments, and rightfully so. I do believe we would have become good friends if he had stayed here.

I have been here in Davao for almost a year now. I have not done a lot of socializing because I have been working 6 to 7 days a week building a house. I have met several expat here. I have one for a neighbor, one down the road and another down the road the other way. One, I actually think might become a good friend, but school is still out on that until I transfer (move) into my house later this week.

My neighbor’s idea of friendship is a shoddy barb wire fence that looks like a 10 year old put up, with grow sticks laced in between the strands and native thorn bushes he transplanted down the fence row, in my front yard! Not to mention three coconut trees he planted specifically to block my view of Mt Apo. That will take a few years, if they don’t die. Did I mention I bought my property from him. Nice guy till he saw he was not going to get any more money out of me.

Another foreigner with a bad plan. I would tell him what I think, but he hides or turns his back and goes inside if I get within shouting distance. He always waits until we are not there to do his deeds, early morning or after dark. My wife and I laugh and wonder when he will find the time once we move there. However, given that, the real sad part of it all is the fact that my wife and his wife grew up together, been friends most of their lives. I think his wife has came back to visit my wife one time in 6 months. Such a shame, but fear not, I believe in Karma…….we reap what we sow.

As for the other expats I have met, I put them into three categories. The ones that have little and want to be a King and the ones that have a lot and think they are Kings. Then there are the ones like me that came here because they love the culture and the challenge of a third world country. These seem to be far and few between. I do have several expat friends in Cebu who we visit and are waiting to come here when my house is finished. Yes, there are many inconviences here, downright frustrating at times. However, you got to love the people. Most have nothing but they are always smiling and full of hope. I do have several Filipino friends. All I have to do is mention I need this, or need someone to help me. They always come through and are there to help whenever I have a need. They expect nothing in return.

Well it seems that Tom Martin and I may have a few things in common. Maybe he will read this and who knows, maybe we will become friends. However, I do empathize with him no matter the outcome.

I have had people that are coming here for the first time; ask me about being taken advantage of by the Filipino’s. They are concerned and worried that they will have to pay more than they should. I have to laugh. But it’s true, you may get the white guy price or a Taxi driver may try to get away without setting the meter, (but we know Bruce would never do that). But it’s usually only a few peso’s more. The only way to really combat this is to learn some of the language. More times than not I get a better price then the Filipino’s. I always ask the price of something in English. Once they tell me, I then tell them in their language it’s too high and I want a discount. They are usually so shocked they get a big smile on their face and start lowering the price. As for as being taken advantage of, well my advice is to beware of other foreigners. They will more likely dent your wallet much harder the any Filipino. Sad but true.

Country living brings the clean air, lush green areas, farm fields and solitude.
Both have a lot of great qualities to be extolled, but the fact is, we all came from cleaner, better ordered societies that had more comfort, convenience and cleanliness than anywhere you will find here in the Philippines.

I never experienced a brownout in the USA. A driver’s license renewal took twenty minutes, as did getting new license plates for the car. Grocery shopping was a clean, simple, comfortable task that took more time to shop than to checkout. Dairy products were fresh and plentiful. Meats and poultry were not laid out to be handled by every dirty handed shopper that walked by. The roads were in better shape, most people obeyed traffic laws and pedestrians ALWAYS had the right-of-way. Cable TV was better, phone service was better and my computer worked WAY, WAY, WAY better than ANY provider in the P.I.

I never was asked for a bribe just to go about my daily life and never even considered it as a way of doing business.

So, anyone who tells you that living in the Philippines is better than living in, say, the USA, is either trying to sell you something, has their own ulterior motive or is a bald faced liar! Oh yeah, I do like living here and plan to stay for 4 years while my wife goes to college. (My ulterior motive is 4 years of college in the USA $50,000 USD or the same degree here in the Philippines $6,800 USD)

Now for the reason I wrote today,
People, who do not understand Bruce’s decision to give the USA another try, have not lived in Bruce’s skin, walked in his shoes or experienced life in the same way he has. I think Bruce knows that this move will not be easy. It’s a road he has chosen for himself and his wife (who will probably, one day, become a US citizen herself).

Most Filipinos, if asked, would say “Hell YES!” to a trip to the US or Great Britain, Australia, Europe or any first world county.

We all (expat’s) come here for many different reasons. Begrudging one of our own for choosing a path back is a little hypocritical, don’t you think? I commend Bruce for stepping outside his comfort zone and heading out to the USA. He received an opportunity to go and believes it worth the attempt to try. I am sure it was a very difficult decision to make. Good for him!

All of my friends thought I was a NUT for coming here to live. Most of yours probably do too! (Be honest!)
We have all read Bruce’s writing here and agree with him or not, we were glad to have them to read, think about and respond to.

I have met Bruce and can tell you that he has written with great insight, honesty, self-discipline, tolerance and respect for the Philippines. All he ever wanted to do was tell you about his life here, to journal his experiences as an Expat trying to make it in a different country and sharing with us, his life. He did not try to convince anyone to do it his way or do as he did; he just put his life out for others to experience.
Thanks Bruce for your musings on life in Davao, the ranting when you needed to and the friendly advice when offered.

I will continue to read and try to contribute time to time.
Good luck in Vegas and God’s speed.
Hugs for Elena.

Steve in Davao

There were a few groups I had belonged to and for different reasons I only stayed involved with one of them. It name is Friends of Mindanao. The group designed its name as not to limit its attendance to only expats. Anyone is welcome including Filipinos.

The group was originally started as a networking group for Expats and Filipinos looking for business networking and connections. Since it is difficult for Foreigners to open a business the group took on a more social flavor. The group had an open, friendly atmosphere where all were welcomed. At each meeting new guests were welcomed and all introduced themselves so all knew a little of each other’s background.

Well, as I have seen in most groups, a few have to do it all and the rest just come to listen. The man who started the group passed away a few months back and his partner in the group and in business took over. I took care of the membership list and emailing all members of important updates for the group. There was another member who helped MC the meetings and another who looked for and arranged some field trips. The man who helped start the group now has business in Manila and is only in Davao two weeks a month, the member helping as MC is moving back to the states as I will soon and the member running the field trips is only here about six to nine months a year since he has a business back home.

In the past few months, we have asked other members to stand up and assist with the group and all you get is grumbling and sitting on their hands.  It is interesting, these are usually the same people who are first to complain about problems but get quiet when asked to help.

In a country where there is a fair amount of Foreigners with different financial levels, different relationship situations and even different home countries, we all have something in common. We are all Expats living and trying to survive here. With a group like this, others might be going through the same problem or have had such a situation in the past. With this group, there is a good chance someone has had the same problem and can assist you to help with a solution or advice to get past it.

Sometimes you even meet someone who will turn out to be a good friend. I have made friends through this group and know other that have also. Too bad many are too self-centered, too lazy, or just is not willing to step up and help this group survive.

I had a similar situation years ago. I was asked to become Scoutmaster of a Boy Scout troop. I took over the troop because I felt they needed to continue. With Boy Scouting, the boys need to have camping trips and most campgrounds are a fair distance from our area. I met with the boys fathers and asked who would help with transportation and extra adult supervision on the trips. I would get many different excuses why they could not help. The boys would get upset that other troops had regular camping trips, why was it we did not. Eventually I had to disband the troop and find other troops for the boys to join.

When a group dies, the members lose a useful organization to belong to. In addition, the ones that will not help will be the first to complain that the organizers caused it to end. Well as I officially announced this morning of my soon move back to the States, at least I will not be here to hear their complaints.

If any of the members follow this site, I thank you all for the time I have spent getting to know each of you and am sorry you were not willing to step up and help keep it alive.

In the Philippines, laundry is done many ways depending on what you can afford. Some people own a washer and dryer, but that is more the exception than the rule. Some have a machine that just agitates and then spins, but most cases laundry is done by hand. Someone sits on a stool in front of a plastic tub by a water faucet. Powdered soap is added to the water and a few items at a time are placed in the soapy water and rubbed and squeezed. Other times some people will use a bar of laundry soap and scrub each item. After enough if the items are done, the soapy water is dumped and fresh water is used to rinse. The person then squeezes the items to rinse out the soap. The rinse water is replaced as many times needed until the water is clear and soap free.

After a group of the laundry is cleaned, it is hung inside out on a hanger or over the line to air dry. Turning it inside out is to help reduce the sun from bleaching the colors out. With the use of cold water, the colors do not fade that fast. Depending on the size of the family and the frequency of laundry day, this task can take many hours. Some people hire a Labandera; this is a person you hire for a day, just to do the laundry.

Here at our house, our nieces and nephew does their own laundry. Some items, such as nursing school uniforms, which each girl has two, are done a few times a week. As one is drying, they have one to wear the next day.

Some readers asked why we have hired a helper, one reason is laundry. I usually change my clothes twice a day because of perspiration. Therefore, in one week there is two of everything needing to be washed. Then there are towels, sheets and other items. With the other assistance in the home, the help of this girl is probably cheaper than taking the laundry to a cleaner each week.

I find everything is cleaned well; the only problem is without the use of a dryer tumbling the clothes as they dry, there is a stiffness when first put on. Part is the drying and the other is, even with the use of a machine, there is some soap residue left in the material. One other problem is my underwear, which is stretched out over time without the assistance of shrinking with hot water and the use of a dryer and then the stretching as it is being washed.

One Filipino I know mentioned something their grandmother would say when it rained on the laundry drying. She would comment “Natures way of softening the clothes.” I realized it is because they get an extra rinse.

This story is just another thing to realize the differences here in the Philippines and probably other third world countries.

If you hire a girl in her 20’s you can run into the trouble of them wanting to go out on their days off to drink or find a boyfriend. If you hire an older woman, you can have problems with their family troubles or members coming to your house.

Well with Mira, our original helper, she was 17 and from the provinces. In all the months here she never made any local friends except with our nieces. She never took a day off to go out except with a niece to do some shopping.

We did have a problem once where she wanted to school. We offered her after a year of employment; we would share in her schooling. There are colleges here that have class on Saturdays and/or Sundays. She agreed to this for the time being.

Well recently, she told my wife she wanted to quit and return home to her family. I am not sure of the reason. Maybe she saved enough from her salary that she feels she can go back home and just enjoy life for a while.

My wife contacted her sister-in-law in Surigao again to help find us a replacement. Linda was the one who found us Mira and girls for helpers and nannies for many of Elena’s friends.  This time Linda found us a new girl and brought an older girl to be a helper for a friend.

This new girl is also 17, but talking to her, this is not the first time she worked as a domestic helper for a family; we are just the first family with a Foreigner.

Mira, our original helper has stayed for a week to train the new girl. I also, from our last experience explained to the girl my rules and advice.  I hope all works out well since we have a house full. Me, Elena, 3 nieces and a helper.

Time will tell and I will report back of any difficulties.

BTW, Bruce, I wonder if you would not mind to write about your experiences from earlier in your marriage with you Pinay wife…
It would be nice to compare the notes.
Myself, I have been married to my wife for just 2 years now, thereof, we are still considered newlyweds.
There are so many, by themselves very insignificant things we are going trough day by day in our life together that have to do with our cultural differences, which is totally different from what I have experienced with white ladies before…
For example, sometimes I joke with my wife that she has no sense of humor, does not understand sarcasm. Also from time to time, when I comment on something and forget about it next second she remains upset about it for 2 days because she takes everything personally.

With humor, we make jokes or joke about things with words that sound the same or with different words with the same meanings.  For instance, a child’s joke: What is black and white and read (red) all over?” There are two answers, “A newspaper” which is black (print), White (paper) and read all over (by many people). The second answer is “an Embarrassed Zebra” Since a zebra is black and white and red all over from embarrassment (blushing).

The problem is many Filipinos, even if they speak English well, in many cases translate the English to their language and the try to understand the meaning. Unfortunately, most of the humor gets lost in translation. Even when you explain the reason for the humor, it is still lost on them.

From what I have learned, many Filipino jokes are based on someone’s mistake in language. There was a lot of laughing and repeating when a politician won his election and was quoted saying “I told you I would win by a mudslide” where he meant landslide.

Another problem here with language and understanding is many Filipinos are insecure with their use of English. Because of this, they feel insulted easily if they hear an American expression, where it is just an expression in American English. Sarcasm is taken as an insult and like most women; they let being upset to fester for days. Their feelings are hurt and they will make you suffer for hurting them.

Once day I was upset with my wife and commented to her “you are a pain in the ass.” Well she was so upset; she would not talk to me. During this point, we were driving to an English friend’s restaurant for lunch.  While there, our friends asked what the problem was since he saw the tension between us.  One of mentioned my use of the expression.  He calmly explained to Elena what the expression meant and that it is just an expression to let off steam. Good thing he explained and Elena understood. Now we joke with it. I now say, “You are a pain in the ass, but you’re my pain in the ass” showing I love her and she is mine.

Something else we do not realize, with all the poverty and difficult life in the Philippines, Filipinos are a proud people and do not like outsiders to be insulting to their country and way of life. They know the problems, but they have resigned to the fact that these problems will not change and this is how life is here.

Another problem is as a foreigner in their country and at times, we generalize about the country or the people. This is insulting to most Filipinos, even if they agree with you. In anger or when upset many foreigners will say, “You Filipinos are this, or that.” In addition, they will be upset because you are saying all, not some or most.  It is the same when we are overcharged and they tell you, “Well Sir, you’re a Rich American.” Many Filipinos think all Americans or Foreigners are wealthy and can afford the higher price.

Now, this reader mentioned how he will make a comment, he will forget it in a few seconds, and his wife would stay mad for days. I am curious, if he was ever married to an American woman. Is this attitude ever different? Men typically let off steam and then forget it, women will remember and remind you of things you have done wrong for years. Another old joke is “What does an elephant and a wife have in common? They both never forget.”

Unfortunately, for this reader and many others who have a Filipina wife in their home country, the wife will find and associate with other Filipinos. With this, they never fully immerse themselves in the English language. Many times, they will purchase an extended cable package so their wife can watch TV from the Philippines.

When I was originally planning to bring Elena to America, I mentioned to her, once she arrived and were settled, I was going to have her attend an advanced ESL (English as a Second Language) course and also have her read English newspapers and read books to better immerse her in the language.

In many office restrooms, there usually is a large bucket and a handled pail. This is because many Filipinos like to wash their private parts with water and not paper when there are finished. Some do use paper first but like to wash with water after.

In some nicer restroom, there is what we would think of a sprayer for a kitchen sink. This is there for those who prefer water to wash. I joke of it as a Filipino bidet.

This is not much of a story, but something to remember when you visit the Philippines and out around town and “nature calls.”

In America and I would expect in most Western countries meeting and courting is similar. First, there are many ways someone meets the opposite sex with the thoughts of finding a mate. It can be through a friend, at your employment, in a social event or a dating site online.

Fist I will talk about the direct contact. In most cases, your first meeting will be face to face. You might be out in a bar or social place. Your eyes meet and you find a way to start a conversation. You talk, joke and try to find something in common to carry on a conversation. Once you find this easy conversation and some common interests one will offer their phone number and possible arrange to go for coffee or a meal.

If all goes well on the first meeting, you will offer to go out again. This basic dating will continue for months or even years. Each will invite the other to their home for a meal or an evening and can eventually upgrade to meeting each other’s family. At some point, intimacy will come into the relationship. You might spend nights at each other’s home or go for weekend get-a-ways.

With all this dating and courting, you get to see how each other reacts to life’s situations. How they control anger, happiness and how they are in private, social and family situations. You see how they handle their finances and how they live their lives. Over time, you will decide if this person will be a good fit for the long-term relationship. If not and you remove your “rose colored glasses”, you will end the relationship and start all over.

Over time if there is a strong compatibility is developed and the two decide to either cohabitate to save on money or decide to marry. If you are young, this is a natural step.  If you are in your 30’s, 40’s or older there can be other complications. What if you have children from a previous relationship, if this is the case there are things to look at. Do you get along with your mates children, do they respect you and willing to treat you as a parent figure. Who does the discipline and are you both willing to give up part of your power to the other.

One thing I have learned while living here, Filipinos are not caught up with appearances as we are in America. In America, some look for hair color, height, weight and figure sometimes even eye color.  You also have to remember, Filipinas either are looking for a foreigner or not. I have not heard of many that had no interest in a Foreigner husband and then met one and fell in love. If a Filipina wants a foreigner, she will sign up for many of the online dating sites.  Their whole plan is to find a foreigner to marry and improve their lives. Some only want to relocate to another country and somewhat the foreigner to move here. A few do not care as long as they find a foreigner.

Now for the courting to a Filipina from an American or European man.  In most cases, the man has met a woman or many women online. You start with emails and chatting online. You might have sent gifts or sent money to improve her life. Finally, you decide you need to meet this woman in person. You take your vacation and fly to the Philippines to meet.  You will only come for one to a few weeks. You both show the best of yourself.

In many cases, the woman is not a virgin, and if she is, most times she is willing to give that special gift to you.  With the Filipina culture and to treat a perspective husband well, she will treat you like a King. She will be loving and caring, as you have never experienced. If you visit her home city, she will show you all the sites, even if you do not find them interesting, she will be proud of her city.

In the Philippines, public display of affection is not looked upon well. If you are touching and kissing in public, it will make the woman feel cheap and others to think of her as a whore. Holding hands or arm around shoulders is fine.

In some cases, if she is young, especially if she is going to travel to a city to meet you, she might bring her mother or a family member as a chaperone. If this is the case, show her and her chaperone with respect. You will be expected to cover all costs for both. As I mention many times on this site, set your boundaries. You will look at as a Rich Foreigner. Even if you are poor in your country, you still have more money than she does. Many Filipinas will ask you to take her everywhere, eat at best restaurants and purchase her items from clothes to new cell phones. Look out for this, the more she asks for, the more it will show it is your wallet she wants and not you.

If you are already living here in the Philippines courting is not much different. Most women you meet that are interested in dating or marrying a foreigner are looking for a better life. In addition, many will see you as a way to go out and have fun without any expense. I have heard of many men who make a date and she shows up with 4 to 6 friends. They will order food and drinks and leave you with the tab. Again, set boundaries. If she asks to bring a friend, tell her you are not willing to be the sponsor to feed all her friends. If you agree on one extra person and she shows up with many, my best advice is to give her taxi fare and leave. If she really were interested in you, she would not have lied. If she is looking towards you as the banker, you did not need her anyway.

In the beginning, we try to give the best impression to this person. Maybe a friend introduced you to this person and told you about their interests and hobbies. You try to keep conversations on subjects the other person has an interest. You try to show your best manors and grooming. Over time, if the relationship continues, you get comfortable and your true self becomes more exposed. Sometimes the relationship ends up in trouble or ends. It could be weeks, months or even years.

Even if the relationship turns into cohabitation or marriage, over time our differences can become a problem. I have heard different excuses, such as “we have grown in different directions” or “he/she is not the same person I first met.”

I have even had friends that had a vision of the person they think they can change the person into and see that person with that vision or conception. I remember when a female friend told me her boyfriend is not the same as he was when they met. I told her he is the same, she was not able to change him to the person she envisioned him to become. She thought for a while and then agreed with me.

If you were lucky, and this problem occurred before you moved in together or become married, all it becomes is a breakup. You go on with your life and start over.

Over the past 15-20 years with the internet, many of us tried the internet dating sites. We sign up, answer questions, fill out a profile and even post a photograph. Most of us try to be honest, but we will tend to tell about how wonderful we are all our great accomplishments and about our caring and warm personality. We do not discuss our weaknesses, faults or personality flaws. Some even deceive and use old photos when our bodies were thin and firm.

After you make a connection, you send messages and emails to each other. Eventually it goes to phone calls or voice and video chat. How many times we see the other person on video or meet in person and they do not look at all like their photo on their profile. Again, no big problem, you either disconnect the connection, or if you met in person, you finish your drink and dinner and go home and delete the person from your speed dial.

Now to discuss international meetings since this is what many of the readers here are experiencing. With the difficulties, finding ladies in our home country more and more are looking at ladies from Asia or Europe. Many Caucasian men, me included, find Asian ladies exotic and beautiful. We have also heard how Asian women through their culture are taught to take such good care of their man.

So we go online and visit all the sites to meet a beautiful and in most cases young lady. As soon as you add your profile, you mailbox will be filled with hundreds of ladies interested in you. At first, you will feel so special, so many of these beautiful ladies want to get to know you better. Over time, you will find a few or even one lady you want to get to know better. You email each other and then move on to one of the instant messaging systems such as Yahoo. You will hear how this young lady is interested in an older American or European man since we are more reliable, mature and responsible than most men in their country. This is true but in many cases, it is more and never said. Why do you think these women spend a big part of their meager budget to spend hours in an internet café?

As I have written many times, here in the Philippines it is very difficult to earn a wage to support yourself or your family. Many Filipinos need a lot less to be content. They are not used to the large houses, central air conditioning, or even modern conveniences such as a stove. However, from watching movies or television they see how we live in our country. Then many hear about how a friend’s life has improved when they move to America or Europe. Some have friends or hear about a Filipina who is living with a foreigner here in the Philippines.

With this dream of such an improved life, many of these ladies will tell the man in emails how she will treat him and take care of him. They will tell you how they enjoy every hobby the man mentions or tells him how exciting it would be to learn his hobby so they can do these things together.

Is this much different from dating in your home country. Not really, we try to be what the person we are interested in dating is interested in doing. The difference is you never get to build the relationship as you do if the lady is in your own city. There is the old saying that “Long distance relationships do not last.” Now you are starting on a relationship that is half way around the world.

From most of the relationships between a Foreigner and a Filipina, I know or have heard about, most of these ladies are from a poor family located in the Provinces. I have spoken or joked with ladies who have a better job living in the city, if they were interested in a foreigner. Most of the time they look shocked and say no. This is because they feel they can have a good “Filipino” life and do not need a foreigner husband to support them.

So now, I have discussed how we meet. What is the next step? You take your vacation and fly to the Philippines. You stay in a nice hotel and have the lady meet you there. You have a wonderful week or two. You eat in nice restaurants, you spend the day visiting places or you go shopping and buy your lady gifts that to you are not expensive but they could never afford. By the end of your vacation, you are on a cloud and so sad you have to fly home.

Think about all your past relationships and how wonderful they were in the beginning, and how they ended. If you are honest, you can see it was the fault of both. The truth about you comes out and the same of your partner.

I am not telling you to give up your thoughts of finding a Filipino for a wife, just think about the amount of time needed to really get to know someone. Visit more than once. Tell about your moods, your lifestyle and ask questions about hers and her needs and dreams. If you are planning to bring her to your country, tell her about life there, the weather and the lifestyle. Even in America life and lifestyle is different depending where you live.

If you are planning to move here, visit the city you plan to live. Get to know other foreigners and ask about their life. Once you are here, build the relationship slowly. Set your boundaries and explain your needs. Learn as much about the customs and norms. As I have written, the Filipino culture is so different from the American or European culture. One boundary you need to discuss is the ladies family. Does she expect you to support any of her family or does she expect to let members of the family live with you?

I knew my wife Elena for about three years before I moved here. I visited her three times and the last two I stayed in her house. With all this, once here there were things or personality traits I never knew about her and some she did not know about me. We have worked out most but no relationship or marriage is perfect. The best part is we love each other enough to get through the problems.