At that time, I had filed for Elena’s Fiancée Visa and we were waiting for its approval. Well one day, the developer I was working for laid off 97% of their employees and then declared bankruptcy. I was unable to find a decent paying job so Elena told me to come to the Philippines. We thought with my savings, annuity, and help from her family we would be able to survive decently here.

Therefore, to the disappointment of my family I packed up and moved here to Davao. Since I was not receiving any pension or Social Security, it was not as easy for us as for other expats. I worked for a short time here but for Filipino wages which just covered food expenses for 2 weeks.

As I have written about life here, there are many things I did not like here, but I had to accept them. That is what you need to do and keep your sanity. I thought there was no way ever to be able to return to the U.S. and bring Elena to be with me. With the unemployment at such high levels and limited work in the architecture field for me to go back to my profession, here is where I would live and die.

Recently a friend of mine decided to move back and then file for his wife’s spousal visa. He is much younger than I am and has a father who will allow them to live in their house until he has enough money to get their own place. He currently has seasonal employment for income and will get his wife a job there too. He hopes both of them will be able to locate full time jobs in the future.

This made me start to think, so I contacted my brother and my mother about the possibility of me moving back and then bringing Elena. One turned it into an argument about how it was not feasible and would not help with basic needs if I came. The other was political and said there was a plan to change from a two-bedroom apartment to a one-bedroom unit. This was the nice way to say there would be no room for us.

Well, they made me give up the thought until a few weeks ago. One of the readers emailed me and commented that it sounded like Elena and I could use a vacation and offered us a room in their house in Las Vegas, Nevada. I replied that is was very difficult to get Elena a Tourist Visa but thanked her for the kind offer. She emailed me again and mentioned her husband gave up his business because of the economy problems and they bought a house in Las Vegas. Her husband is a little older than I am and is working driving a taxi. With all the tourism in Vegas, a taxi driver can make enough to live comfortable. This reader offered us a room; rent-free in their home as long as we need to get on our feet and her husband will assist me in getting a job driving a taxi too.

Elena and I discussed this and we decided this is an offer of a lifetime. This lady and her husband are so kind with this offer and it will give us both a chance to work. In addition, after Elena has immigrant status and living in the States for six months, she will be able to receive survivor benefits when I pass away. Once Elena works for ten years, she will earn enough Social Security credits to collect her own benefits.

We have discussed, once we retire, in all probability will not be able to afford to live in the States, we will probably move back to the Philippines. Because of this, our nephew who married recently will live in our house and take care of it for us.  He will take care of his sisters who live here. His brother’s support will continue to assist them with the expense of this house.

So, with all said, I will be flying out of Davao on May 4 and from Manila on the fifth. The flight will be interesting; the first leg from Manila is on Korean Airlines, which I never have flown before. I will also land in Inchon Intl, Seoul, Korea. At first, I thought I had only a three ½-hour layover in Korea, which is not bad. Then I noticed I land 5:20am and do not leave until 8:50pm. I guess I will know the airport well in that time and have to make sure I have enough books to read while there. So what I thought would be 18 hours total travel time, it is now close to 30 hours.

As soon as I am settled in Las Vegas, I will file for Elena’s spousal visa to join me there. At first, I will need to live as cheaply as possible since I do not want to overstay my welcome and these kind peoples home. I will need to save for a vehicle, furniture, and deposits once we are able to move out on our own.

I hope to be able to keep this site alive with articles of how my life will change and interesting stories of Elena’s live living in America. I hope to find Expats and Filipinos to assist me with this site by writing articles of news and cultural items about Davao and the Philippines.

For those of my readers who have relied on me and this site for information about an Expats life in the Philippines, I hope with others help this site will continue. For those who stop visiting, I understand and thank you for your two plus years of my readership.

If my friends in Las Vegas read this, again Elena and I thank you and feel you both are gifts from God.

I will keep all informed of the process and any other newsworthy items and I always do until I leave.

In America and I would expect in most Western countries meeting and courting is similar. First, there are many ways someone meets the opposite sex with the thoughts of finding a mate. It can be through a friend, at your employment, in a social event or a dating site online.

Fist I will talk about the direct contact. In most cases, your first meeting will be face to face. You might be out in a bar or social place. Your eyes meet and you find a way to start a conversation. You talk, joke and try to find something in common to carry on a conversation. Once you find this easy conversation and some common interests one will offer their phone number and possible arrange to go for coffee or a meal.

If all goes well on the first meeting, you will offer to go out again. This basic dating will continue for months or even years. Each will invite the other to their home for a meal or an evening and can eventually upgrade to meeting each other’s family. At some point, intimacy will come into the relationship. You might spend nights at each other’s home or go for weekend get-a-ways.

With all this dating and courting, you get to see how each other reacts to life’s situations. How they control anger, happiness and how they are in private, social and family situations. You see how they handle their finances and how they live their lives. Over time, you will decide if this person will be a good fit for the long-term relationship. If not and you remove your “rose colored glasses”, you will end the relationship and start all over.

Over time if there is a strong compatibility is developed and the two decide to either cohabitate to save on money or decide to marry. If you are young, this is a natural step.  If you are in your 30’s, 40’s or older there can be other complications. What if you have children from a previous relationship, if this is the case there are things to look at. Do you get along with your mates children, do they respect you and willing to treat you as a parent figure. Who does the discipline and are you both willing to give up part of your power to the other.

One thing I have learned while living here, Filipinos are not caught up with appearances as we are in America. In America, some look for hair color, height, weight and figure sometimes even eye color.  You also have to remember, Filipinas either are looking for a foreigner or not. I have not heard of many that had no interest in a Foreigner husband and then met one and fell in love. If a Filipina wants a foreigner, she will sign up for many of the online dating sites.  Their whole plan is to find a foreigner to marry and improve their lives. Some only want to relocate to another country and somewhat the foreigner to move here. A few do not care as long as they find a foreigner.

Now for the courting to a Filipina from an American or European man.  In most cases, the man has met a woman or many women online. You start with emails and chatting online. You might have sent gifts or sent money to improve her life. Finally, you decide you need to meet this woman in person. You take your vacation and fly to the Philippines to meet.  You will only come for one to a few weeks. You both show the best of yourself.

In many cases, the woman is not a virgin, and if she is, most times she is willing to give that special gift to you.  With the Filipina culture and to treat a perspective husband well, she will treat you like a King. She will be loving and caring, as you have never experienced. If you visit her home city, she will show you all the sites, even if you do not find them interesting, she will be proud of her city.

In the Philippines, public display of affection is not looked upon well. If you are touching and kissing in public, it will make the woman feel cheap and others to think of her as a whore. Holding hands or arm around shoulders is fine.

In some cases, if she is young, especially if she is going to travel to a city to meet you, she might bring her mother or a family member as a chaperone. If this is the case, show her and her chaperone with respect. You will be expected to cover all costs for both. As I mention many times on this site, set your boundaries. You will look at as a Rich Foreigner. Even if you are poor in your country, you still have more money than she does. Many Filipinas will ask you to take her everywhere, eat at best restaurants and purchase her items from clothes to new cell phones. Look out for this, the more she asks for, the more it will show it is your wallet she wants and not you.

If you are already living here in the Philippines courting is not much different. Most women you meet that are interested in dating or marrying a foreigner are looking for a better life. In addition, many will see you as a way to go out and have fun without any expense. I have heard of many men who make a date and she shows up with 4 to 6 friends. They will order food and drinks and leave you with the tab. Again, set boundaries. If she asks to bring a friend, tell her you are not willing to be the sponsor to feed all her friends. If you agree on one extra person and she shows up with many, my best advice is to give her taxi fare and leave. If she really were interested in you, she would not have lied. If she is looking towards you as the banker, you did not need her anyway.

As I wrote previously, Filipinos need fewer comforts as most foreigners are accustomed to needing. Just as Americans are accustomed to things Europeans are not, such as Air conditioning. Most Americans are used to bigger homes, bigger rooms and each child in a house having their own room or possibly at the most, two children sharing a room.

Now back to class structure. Even though I have lived in the Philippines for over two years, I have not visited many homes of Filipinos. I have been in homes of a poorer and smaller size. These homes were of some of the construction friends I have.

One in particular is a small two-room home with a CR. Each room is about 10 feet by 12 feet. In this home, there are two adults and four children. I would say they are a poorer type family, but the man works and the wife has a small Sari-Sari store in front of their house.

When you are out about town, you see most Filipinos well dressed and cleanly groomed. They work in the mall, a restaurant or an office. What we do not see is their living conditions. The pride of Filipinos keeps them well dressed. However, at their break time you see them in the small Caranderias spending about 20 pesos for their lunches.
You also need to realize, I am discussing from my experience living in a city, I have little or no experience visiting the provinces where people farm for their existence.
From what I have found on my research, the top 1% of the population earned in a year is more than the bottom 30% of the population earned combined. Also more than 30% of the population earns less than needed to sustain a family.

Many houses are over stuffed with members of their extended family with only one or two income earners. They sustain mostly on rice and carbohydrates with little protein or vegetables. This is because the extended family is never turned away when in need.

You might be wondering when I am going to answer the description of the economic classes here, but for me, this is something I am not qualified to answer. All I can say is no matter how poor the masses are, they are mostly the kindest and welcoming population I have met.

The two areas the comments was the Filipino sense of humor or lack of any in the way we joke or tell jokes. The other area, which there was a few comments, was the language problem and communication.

Marcel, who lives in Canada, mentioned that his Filipina wife, when she has another Filipino at their home would talk in Tagalog.

Steve, who now lives here in Davao with his Filipina wife and 5-year-old daughter, mentions when there are Filipino visitors in their home, his wife will have conversations in Bisaya ignoring the fact he is there.

Ian, who also lives in Davao, has the same problem.

For me, it is the same. I live with my wife and three nieces. Currently our nephew is home from his Marine Engineering job and is here with his girlfriend. Unless someone is talking to me, Bisaya is used extensively. When I ask what they are talking about, I am usually told something vague. Or “it is nothing.”

When I ask a question, I get a one or two word answer such as “OK”, “maybe”, or such. When I complain, I am often told, “we are not in America, you are in the Philippines.” With all the talk of the respect Filipinos have for elders, it does not apply if it directly affects them.

My nieces are either attending, or has graduated college for nursing. They have had English in school for many years. They can read English and can write their reports in college in English too. They watch English movies and TV shows. However, with this knowledge, they will not use it in front of me. To me, they will not use the energy to think and talk to me.

This is not just in my home; it is in most mixed marriages here. I know, it is their country, their language and we chose to move here. To me it is interesting; when I visited here before my move, most would talk to me. Now I am here, it is over.

If you move here and just live with your partner, there is not much choice, but if her friends or family visit, or if you hire a domestic helper or if family members move in the use of English will diminish greatly.

Now some readers express their interest of learning the local language. If you choose Bisaya/Cebuano, you will understand the language most here speak, but what about local TV. Most TV shows are in Tagalog. I sometimes wonder, if the communication is to keep us out of the loop or just because they are not willing to communicate in English around us. What if you learn Bisaya and then visitors speak Tagalog, you are in the dark again.

I know there is an inherent shyness from Filipinos talking in English. They are afraid their pronunciation might have errors or they do not speak clearly. I will tell friends and family to try. If they cannot find one word to express a thought, we can find the word. I am patient; I just want to see them try to communicate with me.
Because of this isolation and from what I have heard others in the same situation, many expats spend much of their time at home in the bedroom. Most have a TV in there and their computer.  I know of one expat that eats his meals in his bedroom too. I eat with the family, but the only English spoken at the table is from me.

For me, this situation is moot. I cannot change what has been since I moved here. If you are moving here to live with a Filipina, either a wife that has been in the states or someone you plan to marry here, try to make this problem understood. It might end the plans, but if you cannot accept this life, it might end because of it.

I am hoping in the future when my nieces go abroad to work, or marry and move out of the home, things will change. I also have lived an isolated life in my past so I am used to it. I do notice I am out of the house during the day more than in the past so I can be with friends and be able to have conversations.

When I was a child and before the new school year started, my mom would take my brother and me to purchase clothes for school. My mom would tell us “These are for the school year. Take care of this clothes and change when you get home, we cannot afford to replace them.”

At home or especially when visiting someone else’s home we were taught never to climb on the furniture. We were taught to respect things on a home and outside. If we ever caused damage to anyone’s belongings, whether it was our own or someone else’s, we were punished and had to make restitution by doing chores or some assistance to who we damaged their items.

We had curfews and bedtimes. We had to be home before dark and be in bed and asleep early on school nights. Homework was monitored and checked.

When I first moved here to Davao, I would notice young kids playing and running around the streets as late as 11pm. They would climb on cars, write things or draw pictures on the dust or dirt on cars. When told not to, they would laugh, run away and when you are not looking come back and do it again.

I have yet to see a parent discipline their child or spank one. I think at times the kids are just let to run wild and nobody cares, until they are arrested.

We have one niece, a single mother of two, ages two and four, with a third on the way visiting us since before our nephews wedding. These kids climb on the furniture as if it is a Jungle Jim, run around the house while the mother just watches and ignores them.

Our living room set has a decorative rope covering the change of material on the front of the arms and base on the two chairs and sofa. After a few days here, I saw the rope pulled loose from one of the chairs. We spoke to the mother and told her to please talk to the kids and explain that it is furniture and not a toy. Well, the kids still run around, climb on everything like it is a park toy and then I noticed the rope pulled loose in three other places. Do we get an apology and monitoring of the kids, nope, no change at all?

I also realized today, younger relatives and small children are taught to give “Blessing” when they or you arrive home. This niece and her kids have not done this at all. After I mentioned this fact, Elena mentioned it to her and the reply was “Oh, I forgot.” Forgot, this is something that is so ingrained into the culture it almost becomes automatic. At times, I think the respect is forgotten but they just know automatically to do it.

My feelings are that, as I have noticed, many things in this culture are completely opposite to the culture in America and probably Europe. In America, you are taught to take care of your things and others. It is expensive to be replaced. Here I think the attitude is “we lived without it before, we can live without it again.

I try to be patient, these are my wife’s family and I do not want to make her choose or feel she is in the middle but to me, respect is respect. At the wedding and over Christmas I was happy to see many of our family we do not see often. As many were leaving to go back to their province, I hugged them and told them I would miss them. Unfortunately, one niece and her kids are extending their stay and I look forward to them leaving.

Even though it makes me feel isolated, I am starting to get used too many times I do not hear English. I am getting used to the nieces who live in our home to ignore me and not have any discussions, but in a country where “face” and “respect” is so important, are those terms only for Filipinos?

I know others have this situation and others do not. I wonder what the key to the difference is.

OK, I let out some steam. Thanks for bearing with me.

Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday Jesus! by Steve in Davao

First, I want to say thanks to Bruce for allowing me to use this site to tell my story. I have followed your site for several months now and enjoy the information you provide.

Well, it’s Christmas morning in Davao, Philippines. This is our first Christmas here and with all the differences, there are as many similarities, as well.

First, of course, we are celebrating the birth of our Christ. Happy Birthday, Jesus!

My five year old daughter, Patty, still believes in Santa Claus. She makes out her wish list and we send it to the North Pole for Santa’s approval. On Christmas Eve she puts out cookies and milk for Santa and carrots for his reindeer.

She asked me on Christmas Eve.  “Daddy, does Santa know we moved?”

“Yes Patty, Santa knows everything.”

“Daddy, will he find me in the Philippines?”

“Yes, Patty, He knows where you are, now time for bed, so Santa will come.”

We got up on Christmas morning and Patty headed down to see if Santa had eaten her cookies and milk. He had!

“Dad! Santa was here! …. He ate the cookies and drank the milk!” …. “Oh, look, presents!”

“Dad, we don’t have a chimney, how did Santa get in?”

“Santa has magic, Patty.” I replied.

With that, we opened gifts. Mom took lots of pictures, and we laughed and had a great morning.

Now was time to get prepared for Christmas dinner. Annie’s sister came to help cook. Soon her   Mama and Papa and numerous cousins arrived to help and it was chaos in the kitchen.

They made baked ham, Lechon (roasted suckling pig), grilled fish, beef vegetable soup, spaghetti and garlic bread and, of course, rice, rice, rice. Side dishes included tropical macaroni salad, Lumpia (spring rolls) and Pancit Canton. We also had Mango float, birthday cake and ice cream for dessert. What a feast.

We expected around 10 to 15 people to come to our home and they did come, with friends! Everyone wanted to see an American Christmas. We said a prayer and thanked our God for the gift of His Son. We then handed out gifts to everyone (we always buy extra, so unexpected guest will have a gift, and this year it paid off). Dinner was announced and we headed to the table to eat.

The meal was ample and delicious. I’m still full today and everyone took home doggie bags. A good time was had by all.

We had a special honor this year. When we came here in November, we carried money donated by a Church in Ohio, to help build a Church over on Samal Island. We got a phone call on Christmas Eve, telling us, the Pastor and his congregation will dedicate their new building on Sunday, December 27^th. Unfortunately, we cannot attend this week, but will make the trip next Sunday, for services. We are so blessed to be a part of this project. Thank you Jesus!

As we adjust to our new life here, we find that living here is not so different than life in Ohio. Sure, the tropical weather is different and we miss the snow (a little). Driving here is a real trial (we are from a small farm town), but, all-in-all we are getting accustom to being here and finding comforts we didn’t expect. I even caught a college football game on Christmas day. The friends we are making and Annie’s family are a great comfort.

Thanks again to Bruce, for letting me write here, and we wish all your readers a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Steve in Davao

Well my brother-in-law, who has fruit stands in Kidapawan, sent a text Elena that they would not be here until late afternoon Christmas day. Therefore, dinner was to in the evening. Because of this, the lechon was ordered to be picked up at 6pm.

Mid morning, I asked if anyone in the family would like to watch a traditional American movie “It’s a wonderful Life” with James Stewart. As always, not to insult, many said yes so I dug out the movie and had it ready. Well with a house full, only two decided to come watch. After the movie, I drove Elena to the mall to buy more provisions because there is never enough and something is always forgotten.

Mid afternoon, a few of us sat to play a card game. While playing the group from Kidapawan showed up with extras. It turned out my sister-in-laws family lives in Davao too so they were all heading over there and returned about 4pm. At 5:45pm, we jumped in the car and drove to get the Lechon. We got there we were told they were waiting for the delivery from the location that cooks them. We waited and waited. Finally, at 7:00pm a motorcycle pulls up with four pigs in their cardboard wrapper showed up.

When we got home the women start cooking, the rest of the family moved into the Sala (living room) for Karaoke. Here in the Philippines most Filipinos love to sing no matter if they can carry a tune or tone def. In addition, the speakers have to be turned out so the whole neighborhood can enjoy the serenade.  Because of this, I retired to the bedroom, closed the door and started writing this article.

Finally, I was called into for dinner. There was the lechon, spaghetti, pancit, lasagna, and of course kilos of rice. For desert was macaroni fruit salad, maja blanca which is like a thick pudding made from coconut milk, macaroons and brownies.

After dinner, the singing started again so off I ran to the bedroom. If you ask why I do not sing, I am a bass and my voice is so deep it sounds like Lurch from the Adams Family. Once the dishes were cleared, we all went into the sala for the gift exchange. Last weekend it was decided to do a “Secret Santa” gift exchange. In America, the way a “secret Santa” gift exchange is works is with the recipient’s name on the gift and not knowing who gave the gift. Here the way it works it the person who bought the gift has their name on the tag and they dance around and then hand the gift to the person whose name they drew.

Then I received extra gifts from my nieces and nephews who live with us. I was surprised since last year I did not receive anything from them.  I knew what I was getting from Elena since I was with her to try on for fit when she bought them.

This is the third Christmas I have had with my new family and each year has gotten better then the past. There was more communication and love then I had experienced. Now comes a niece’s birthday on the 30th, New Years, Elena birthday on January 6 and our oldest niece’s birthday February 1. Then I can relax for a while.

I hope all of you had a Merry Christmas and will have a Happy and Healthy New Year.

P.S. if anyone is curious about my funny looking mustache, I suffer at times with alopecia and that area of the mustache fell out and is starting to grow back.

Amar has lived with his girlfriend/fiancée Janis for a few years. Since he and his brother supported their sisters through college, Amar put his marriage on hold. Now that two of the girls have graduated, he decided he could finally have his wedding. The wedding is going to be today, Friday December 18.

Well, now for all the stress. Elena who is the matriarch of the family had to be involved with everything. First, it was the location. Elena and Janis went to every hotel to get all the information of cost and facilities. Then the bridal shops to find the “perfect” dress. You will say “Bruce, that is the same as in America” but you do not realize all the traffic and taxi rides and of course the discussions. I was lucky, I was not asked for any opinions or advice. I was just kept in the dark until the deal was made.

Then the tour of printers to find the best deal for the invitations. Bargaining here is a way of life, once you find a place you like, you need to continue to find a lower price to use to bargain down the price.  Once the guest list, the wedding party member list was made and the invitations printed, they need to be delivered. If you do not know, the postal service here in the Philippines is a joke. There are not daily deliveries to all homes and at times, if there is only one item to be delivered to an area, they might wait a week to see if there will be more to be delivered. There are times items never show up at all. Because of this, every invitation had to be hand delivered to all invitees.

In addition, in the Philippines, besides a Groomsmen and Bridesmaids, there are Ninong (male) and Ninong (female, also known as Sponsors. They are a major role and have to sign the marriage license as witnesses.

I think, because of the poverty, many save a long time for a wedding and the whole affair is a huge event with as much pomp and display as possible. Peter, the second oldest and the main wage earner of the family offered a nice sum on money towards the wedding.  Because of his generous offer, the wedding is in one of the major hotels. There will be five Ninongs, five Ninangs, four each of Groomsmen and Bridesmaids, a ring bearer, and a flower girl.

For the past week or two, groomsman was canceling and replacements had to be found. A friend of the family was to be the reception planner and musician at the wedding. As time got close, we could not reach her by phone and a then we had to find a replacement.

As of Tuesday, family members started arriving from the provinces. As of now, there are 16 people at our house, three of which are young children. Meals have become more buffet style where each person fills a plate and finds a place to sit. The sleeping arrangements are more like find a spot and squeeze in.

One of our nieces from the provinces was the replacement MC and her little girl to be the flower girl. Tuesday evening this niece called to say she could not attend. She said she would send her daughter with her father to Davao so we have a flower girl.  But then the scramble was on again to find a MC.

Earlier this week was the running around for final fittings of the wedding gown, tuxedos and bridesmaids dresses. Today I had to pick up the groom and bride, fill the car with their items, then stop to pick up all the dresses and tuxedos and bring them to the hotel. Part of the deal they get a suite for the night before the wedding and the wedding night. The morning of the wedding all female members of the bridal party have to be at the hotel early to get their makeup and hair done, and then dressed. Later morning the groomsmen have to arrive to get into their tuxedos. Of course, the photographer will be there to document this part of the festivities.

Then about 2:30pm, all these people have to be transported to the church. The ceremony is to start at 3:00pm, but with “Filipino time” who knows what the actual time it will begin. After the ceremony will be the group photos. As I have seen at other weddings, this can go on forever with every combination of attendees grouped for the photos. Again, all the attendees need to be transported to the hotel for the reception.

If I survive, I will report on the day and hopefully have some photos to share.

This year was a special treat. Our nephew Peter, who is currently a 4th Marine Engineer, was home on his vacation. It was also special since on October 23rd was his 26th birthday. To celebrate his birthday, besides dinner and cake, that next Sunday the whole family spent the day on Samal Island at the Blue Jazz Beach Resort.

In the past, we have gone to two other beach resorts but nothing like what Blue Jazz offers. From the moment you arrive by boat, you see the upper scale facilities. The main beach area is shorter than the others are, but you see the two free pool areas. They have a lower semi-circular pool at beach level, which is fed by a horizon edge pool above. Around the upper pool are umbrella covered tables and little nipa huts that are for rent.

As we walked past a beautiful round covered bar area, we saw the covered seating areas. There are pavers and clean sand areas as you approached these tables. We all sat down and in Filipino tradition, a grill was started and food was prepared for our early lunch.

Well this time the family went overboard on food. The grilled pork ribs and small tuna. There was also shrimp, chicken, kinilaw, salad, tortillas, and of course rice. We relaxed while all was prepared and then the feast commenced.

During our lunch, two girls dressed as a mime and clown stopped by to invite us to their Sunday family activities at one of the pavilions. Later they came back with someone in a Tweety Bird costume.

Later a few of us walked up to their water slide and pool. Along the way, we passed the overnight rental units that looked very neat and accommodating.

The water slide pool is only 80 pesos per person and the first use of a floatation tube is free. I have never used a water slide, and at first was hesitant to try. However, with a little prompting from the attendants and Elena, I grabbed a tube and climbed the hill and steps to the top. As I sat on the tube and laid back for the ride, the attendant pushed me off with the words “Super Fast”.

Well I shot down the slide going almost vertical up the sides of the turns and then felt my butt bump as the dips on the straightaway towards the bottom. Next was the splash into the pool. Wow, what a ride that was. After some laughs and jokes, Elena and I went back up to ride the double tube together. Again, as we were pushed off, the attendant pushed us off, he called “Super Doper Fast” and with the added weight, we were flying.

This time on the curves, we slide up the banked side so high I thought we would fall out, but with the centripetal force, we stayed on the raft. Then once the straightaway started, our momentum kept us going back and forth up the sides until the last part and the butt bumping drops started. Gee, that was so much fun and I cannot believe I had never ridden a water slide before.

After a while we walked back to our table, some went to shower, and change clothes before our trip back. We needed to watch the time since the last boat leaves at 5pm and if you miss it, you will need to spend the night. Therefore, by about 4:30 we packed up and headed for the pier to get the boat ride back to Davao. The ride back was also a thrill, the normal calm Davao Gulf was choppy and they had to slow the boat to keep everyone in their seats.

This is now the third beach resort I have visited on Samal and to me it is the best so far, my hats off the man who designed this wonderful place to relax and enjoy.

In America, if you need assistance with the house cleaning, most average families hire a cleaning lady or company to come once a week, or twice a month to take care of the heavy cleaning. These people come to your house on the assigned days and to the vacuuming, mopping, dusting and scrubbing of the bathrooms and kitchen. After they are done, they leave. The cost, depending where you live can be around $50.00 USD.

Here in the Philippines, most homes, if they need the extra help hire a domestic helper that lives in the house. Many times they are young, fifteen to eighteen years old. They usually come from the provinces and/or a poor family. Their pay is usually around 1,500 pesos (approx. $30 USD) a month at first. Most of these girls only keep enough from their pay for their necessities and then send the rest of their pay home to assist their family. Besides their pay, they have room and board included, plus you usually pay any transportation costs to come from their province, if you arraigned their employment through a relative who lives in that province.

When Elena decided to hire a helper for the house, she did not want a girl who lives locally in Davao. She had two reasons for this decision.  First was, she did not want a girl that had friends or family to go meet or visit unannounced and the second was security. It would be easy for the girl to tell friends what valuables we have in the house and our schedules for being absent from the home. We have heard stories of items stolen and the helper disappearing too.

To find a domestic helper, Elena contacted two of her sister-in-laws from Surigao Province. One of her sister-in-laws spoke to some of the families she knew and found a seventeen year old girl that had graduated from high school and was interested to come. This girl, Mira, comes from a family of six siblings and is the next to youngest. She has dreams of saving and eventually be able to go to college.

From the moment Mira arrived in the house, she was a good fit. As she entered the house she saw dirty dishes in the sink from lunch. Without saying a word, she put down her bags and started washing the dishes. After we had a snack and Elena showed her where she could put her belongings and where she would sleep, Mira continued to do the basic cleaning of the house.

Now, different homes treat their help differently. If they have an extra small bedroom, that is for the helper. Unfortunately we do not have that luxury, so we bought a folding bed and Mira sleeps in one of our niece’s bedrooms.

Also many families keep a separation between the domestic help and the family. They are sometimes fed cheaper Filipino foods and they are not allowed to eat until the family is done. Or else they have to eat at a separate table. We are different, even though Mira is an employee; she sits with us at the table and shares the same foods we eat. We talk to her as if she is part of the family. Our three nieces treat her almost as a little sister. Is this a good thing or not, time will tell. I have heard stories of domestic helpers, especially if young, those get homesick, or have saved enough money for something they wanted and then quit after one or two months. I have also heard of domestic helpers that were treated as bad as a slave, quit after a month too.

At first she was surprised how we have her sit with us for meals, how our nieces would talk to her and how we did not treat her as just an employee. Sunday is her day off, but since she does not know Davao nor has any friends here, we took her with us the day we went to SM Mall to see the Kadayawan floats. When we first got there we all went to our favorite restaurant. When we sat, we told her to look at the menu and order what she likes. She followed me and our nieces and had the Curry Chicken. She was so surprised we allowed her to join us for lunch and thanked us many times.

Another difference I have seen is in the malls or at restaurants. I have seen domestic helpers sitting in the wait area as the family they work for enjoys a nice meal. I do not know if the helper was fed first, allowed to eat later or had to wait until they returned home.

Now, I know I am new at having a helper in our home, and I am following Elena’s lead at how we treat Mira. I just feel this is how we should treat her. Just as if anyone is at our house, from a friend of ours, a friend of one of our nieces or even a tradesman friend discussing a project. If it is meal time, they are asked to join us to share the meal. If they get shy and say they will wait in the Sala until we are done, we get adamant and insist them joining us.

As always, I encourage hearing your comments, and you can tell me if you disagree with the way we treat Mira, but do it with respect. If you have had bad experiences, good experiences or stories you have heard are welcome. Any overly insulting comments will either be edited or deleted.