This reminded me of something that happened about a week ago. A driver started after I was. Lately he complained about everything, vehicles having to be brought in and the loss of time on the road and possible earnings, bad or no tips and anything he could complain about. This man is around my age and I was afraid he would explode and go “postal” on one of his customers or in the office.

I started talking to him and explained to him, yes, we have a lousy job with long hours and bad pay. I told him about my last job in Florida, the great pay and how I lost it and moved to the Philippines.
I also asked him if there was any better option for us for employment at our age and being in the state and city with the highest unemployment in the nation.

I told him he needed to learn to enjoy the good parts of the job. Practically every day we have a customer who brings enjoyment to our day. It could be someone from our hometown or from a place, we had visited so we can talk about that. It might be someone who has an interesting story to tell you or something you can learn about life or places. It can be someone who gives you a huge tip just because they enjoy your treatment and safe driving.

I told him how I engage customers in conversation and the stories and jokes I use in the car. I told him how I stock up on bottled water in the morning and offer it to my customers.

I also mentioned, even if he tries to be happy and upbeat but is depressed, it shows through. If he expected to get the best from this job, he has to give some of himself to get in return.

Look, remember the good, and put the bad in the back of his mind. Have fun with the job. Many have told me, especially my wife I am a “talker.” This is true. I love to engage almost anyone in conversation. I learn from the others and enjoy the different views and stories from others. This makes my day go by faster, energizes me and I think my customers enjoy their ride in my taxi too. With their enjoyment comes a better tip too. I have had a $40 tip on a $12 ride one morning. The customer asked me about driving a taxi and I told him about the hours and pay. When he paid me, he told me he wanted to start my day on a good note.

It is defiantly harder to be positive and upbeat than depressed. It takes work and a conscience effort some days, but gets easier as time goes by. Depression is the safest place to be since anything that goes bad just adds and proves the reasons to be depressed.

Maybe from my time in the Philippines and seeing how many Filipinos live and the things I had to do without living there gave me a better outlook on life and needs.

Years ago we would always talk about wanting a better job, now we are happy having a job. Look for the “silver lining” in the clouds and find ways to give yourself and those around you positive look at life and learn to enjoy the little things life and nature has to offer.

Online I found statistics for 2006. In this year, the number of registered motorcycles was 2,409,363 whereas the amount of cars was 792,373. I do not know if this number includes public vehicles known where there is a miniature bus powered by a motorcycle welded in the middle or a sidecar that seats four to six passengers.

There are many motorcycles with a welded attachment on the side like a flat bed for delivering merchandise. I have even lately seen what looks like a small delivery truck from the rear and once you see the front, it has a motorcycle seat and handlebars and powered by a motorcycle engine.

Besides these modified motorcycles, many times you see a normal motorcycle with anything imaginable being transported. I have seen a rider, facing the rear, holding a large TV on his lap.

Thanks to a friend of mine, he allowed me to use some photos he has collected over the years showing a normal motorcycle delivering many different items. As you might noticed, not all or maybe any are from the Philippines. Many are from Viet Nam, China and other Asian countries.

I know this is not one of my in-depth and thoughtful observances, but something I hope you will enjoy.

There are many reasons a foreigner comes to the Philippines. It can be because of a work related trip, a vacation, investigating moving here, or because they have retired here.

There are many people who have lived here a lot longer than I have and have their own views with friendships and lifestyles. I can only discuss my views and observations. One of the things I have learned in my 21 months living here is to open yourself to meet people, but take your time developing your friendships with both Filipinos and non-Filipino people.

Here in Davao there are many groups with meetings. Each has a different charter or membership conditions. They have their own reasons why they started the group and over time they have redeveloped themselves in a different direction. Then with the change of leadership the attitude or atmosphere of the group can change too. I have listed some of these groups in past articles and am not planning to give their names now. This is more about the relationships that develop or end over time.

Just as when you lived back in your home country, there are people you enjoy to have as a friend and some personality types you avoid. Over time, some people you considered as friend, for some reason, you find they are not the type of person you need in a friendly relationship. Here is no exception. Most times the only thing you have in common is that you’re a foreigner and not a Filipino.

The problem here is with all the foreigners you meet, rarely do you meet someone that you knew back in your home country. Because of this, some people find they can reinvent themselves into someone they are not. Who will know? I am open, and sometimes too open. There is little I am ashamed of in my past and do not mind relating items about myself.

When I first moved here and with my need to find people to talk to in English and share common knowledge I joined some of the groups. I would go to every activity they had. Each one had a different theme but for me it was meeting English speaking people. Over time, I left one group and joined another. Sometimes splinter groups develop.

Now I have developed friendships. Some are casual friendships and some are developing into deeper friendships. That is something I prefer. A family dinner together, a lunch or a day’s activity. I am more comfortable with a few friends or couples instead of large groups.

With this, my best advice is once you move here, be open to meeting people, go to meetings or be open to having a coffee or lunch with people you meet. Let the friendship develop slowly in its natural course. If you sense a problem, move back and see if the problem clears and the friendship redevelops. Offer information about yourself, but not your whole life. This has caused problems with me from my openness.

Because of the life here, at times bitterness develops. Someone you trusted as a friend turns around and starts their campaign to discredit you or drive people away. It is the same as back in your home country, but magnified mores so here because of the smaller amount of Expats and the sharing of information between them. Be careful, even though tsismis (chiz’-miz) is a popular activity, at times, Expats are not to0 far behind.

Ever since Corazon Aquino was diagnosed of stage four colon cancer, a sense of nationalistic fervor slowly began to rally inside the hearts of many Filipinos. Upon her death, this fervor has once again sparked the essence and value of the freedom we enjoy right now.

It has been a few days already since the burial of Corazo Aquino. Yet I am still left in awe of the display of support which took place last August 5, 2009. What moved me is the fact that Corazon Aquino’s legacy has created a lasting impact in the life of so many people from all walks of life. Even those who conspired against her through coupes eventually admitted that they were wrong. Foreign journalists mentioned that she was the only president, after Ferdinand Marcos, who was not accused of corruption. Her dedication to keep the office of the president honorable despite all the oppositions is still unparalleled until today.

Integrity, it Counts.

Though Corazon Aquino faced so much opposition during her time as president, she was still able to maintain her integrity. The same integrity allowed her to willingly give up her office when her term ended. That same integrity gave her the confidence to challenge politicians in office when she saw them abuse their power.

While many are quick to point out Corazon Aquino’s legacy was her being the icon of democracy, it must be noted that without integrity such title would be very shallow. Integrity is the reason why so many people flooded the streets and endured the harsh conditions just to catch a glimpse of the funeral cortege and flash the ‘laban’ (fight) sign as a sign of support for the family.

While today’s generation does not place any importance in integrity, in the long run it will count, no matter who you are.

I once read about Karl Marx’s funeral and it was totally opposite of that of Corazon Aquino, considering that Karl Marx was the founder of communisim. Since the guy had no integrity, only 6 people attended his funeral. Nobody cared, not even his family—he starved most of his children to death..

While waiting for the funeral cortege to pass by reporter asked  few persons if they would show the same dedication for the current president. The supporter just laughed and said that it would never happen.

Integrity counts and if we want to leave a lasting impression to the younger generations, we must value it no matter what.

So What Now?

So now what? After all the spent emotions and show of sympathy, now what? Well for one and even before using that funeral to spark another useless revolution, let us first check ourselves and try to analyze if there is integrity left within us. Let us first stop pointing at each other for in the longer run we become nothing but a bunch of worthless hypocrites.

Secondly, let us try to clean up our own act. While it feels good to discuss and condemn the corrupt, we ourselves manifest the same sort of corruption in our daily life. The only difference is politicians have become more intoxicated with power.

Finally, let us put into action the courage that we have in the fight against corruption. Yes, it is easier said than done but inaction will only make our nation rot.

I have spent many hours at different times on this philosophy. In America I have lived well at times and there have been times I have lived in a much cheaper life. At 39, while attending night classes for my drafting degree, I lost my job to downsizing. As my savings decreased and my only income was unemployment insurance, I had to share a small apartment with one of my classmates. I remember times, after paying rent and bills counting my money and trying to figure out how to eat that month.

Now, I know there are people in America and many other first world nations that lived better than me and many who need less to be comfortable in their needs.

For me, to retire and live comfortable in America would be having a decent home or condo, a car and enough money to have the basic needs with some advantages. These would include being able to go to a restaurant a few times a week, see a movie of one of the small theater plays. Of course this would also include cable TV, high speed internet and air conditioning for warm weather.

I do understand the cost of living in America has been increasing and if your retirement is in investments, the rate of return has gone down to the point you are not building your savings but hopefully you have a balance where you can live on the interest and not decrease the principle.

Now I will discuss retiring here in Davao or somewhere else in the Philippines. It is true; many things are much cheaper in the Philippines than in America or other countries. At the high end, I know someone who had built a large 3 story house with 6 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms, a powder room, in a high end sub-division with a great view of the ocean for about $400,000 USD. There are many other nice high end homes in good sub-divisions for much less.

There are foreigners here that enjoy all aspects of living here and some that have become acclimated to life here. I can only talk for myself and my thoughts.

To me, someone saying luxury I think of a larger house with as many of the amenities he is used to in America. Large bedrooms with closets, CR’s with hot and cold water, tubs and showers. Nice kitchens with large ranges, laundry facilities with modern washer and dryer and probably cable TV, internet and either central air conditioning or at least a unit in most rooms. It will be in a higher end gated sub-division with a nice clubhouse with pool and restaurant and maybe even an exercise facility. This person will probably have maids and cooks on staff. He will probably buy a large SUV vehicle and belong to one of the golf courses here too.
That is wonderful and I know his home life will be as comfortable as or more so than in the States. But, there are times he will have to or want to go out. He will need groceries, clothes, items from a hardware store and many other items. There will be times; some item he is used to buying at a certain store for months will be out of stock. When he asks when it will be back in stock get the usual answer, “I do not know” or “Maybe next month.” He also needs to realize he is in a country where many people he will come across will not understand English or only part of what he is asking.

He is probably used to nice smooth paved roads and here will find potholes, paved roads that end and becomes a bumpy dirt road that gets flooded. He is used to drivers that are courteous and considerate and see here drivers cutting you off and not letting you into their lanes. He will see drivers changing lanes without even looking to see if there is a car coming.

If money is no object, sure he can eat in the expensive restaurants that cater to foreigners but there are times your hungry and you are not near one of these places. If he is going to eat at home, is he going to spend the high cost to buy imported meats and the other products he is used to that is not regular available here from the US?

As I had in an article a while ago, there are many foreigners that come here to visit, stay in the better hotels, eat in their restaurants and use a taxi or a driver to take them around. After they go back to their home country tell others and feel that life here is so comfortable and cheaper then back home. Many things are cheaper, but things like imported items, gasoline and electricity are more expensive.

By now you must be thinking, Bruce must hate it there. No, I enjoy it here. Yes I get frustrated at times and there are things I miss from my life in the US but I look at the job market and the economy and realize my life would be so much worse if I did not move here. I enjoy going out and meeting people. I enjoy learning about the culture here and the differences. Even with the differences I love my family and how we relate to each other. I have learned to eat well and enjoy most of the foods here. I also enjoy being able to write my feelings, thoughts and views on this site. I get many comments from people that disagree with me and many that do agree. One thing I find interesting, most agreements are from Filipinos and most disagreements are from foreigners.

As always, I am giving this disclaimer; what I write is thoughts, observations and experiences. Not everyone will feel as I do, live as I do or think as I do. I am just relating how I think about things from my view.

If you agree or disagree, your comments are welcome. I just do not want a long heated debate or accusations.

I recently received and email. It was from someone who has a 70 year old friend who has had a stroke in the past and has some paralyzes. He lost most use of one hand and can only walk short distances. Online he met a 40 year old Filipina and now wants to sell everything and move here. He has not told the lady of his disabilities. I do not know what he has told her since I am relying on his friends email to me.

They ask me if this Filipina will accept a man in his conditions and will love and take care of him. There is no way I could honestly answer this question since I do not know the man or the lady.

Yes, Filipinos are a caring people and have no problems taking care of family even if it is part of the extended family. Is it love? If you look at olden time Europe and still in India there are/were arranged marriages. A father will arrange a marriage for a son or daughter. While thinking about this, I remember the song from “Fiddler on the Roof.”

In that movie Tevye the Milkman was talking to his wife and in a song asked his wife “Do you love me?” Each time he asked, she replied in song with that for 25 years she took care of him and listed how. He continued to ask and finally she answered “Do I love you? I guess I do.”

I feel in the beginning a woman looks at a foreigner man as a way to have a better and secure life. She will take care of his home, cook his meals, do his laundry, help him with life here and of course sleep with him and have sexual relations. Together she will learn his ways as a foreigner and she will teach him her way and the culture here. If all is well, in time real love will happen.

Now, I am not saying all women are good and want this, and I am not saying all women are out for a man’s money. There is no way of knowing. You need to take your time getting to know each other before making the decision.

As I have written in the past, Elena and I met online. We chatted and saw each other on cam. As we got to know each other better the frequency of meeting online increased. Eventually I wanted to meet her in person. I flew to Manila and flew here there too. We spent a week together. I then filed for a Fiancée Visa. Because of problems and delays it took time. I returned to the Philippines about a year later and visited her and her family for Christmas and New Years.

I returned again the following summer for 2 weeks and at that time Elena had her appointments in Manila for medical and visa interview. With the turn of the economy, I moved here before her visa was approved so we did not need it. During this time, Elena and I talked and saw each other every morning and evening every day online. We talked about our day, family and normal general things, so we got to know each other very well.

Even with all this contact, just as in any relationship, you never really know each other until you live together. There have been many learning experiences with Elena, our 3 nieces who live with us, their older brother and the rest of the family. There is the cultural difference, misunderstanding of common sayings and expressions and just habits.

When you first move here, with a tourist visa, you cannot open your own bank account. So what do you do? You open it in your ladies name. Do you want to put your money into an account of a lady you just met? A foreigner cannot own land. So maybe you want to buy a house. It has to be in her name. Do you want to put your life savings into a home that you can lose?

For anyone to meet someone online and develop a relationship, sell all their belongings and move to the Philippines, or anywhere in their country or around the world to me is totally crazy. What happens if you do this and it is a scam? You get off the plane and nobody is there to greet you. Or she walks off with your bank account or takes over your home. This can happen. In the Philippines, we are here with the permission of the Philippines. This permission can be easily taken away. Also if a Filipina wants to rip off a foreigner, who is there to help him? All a lady has to do is scream she was abused and she wins under the law protecting Women and Children. There are no laws to protect the foreigner. Many say there has never been a court case between a Filipino and a Foreigner and the Foreigner wins. I do not know that for a fact.

Back to the man I started this article about. He has some good friends in America that cares about him. I hope they help him understand the danger of his plans.

She notified me of someone who left a long negative comment about his views of life in the Philippines. Unfortunately he lives in Angeles City.

While running an errand this morning I was reminded of this story from olden times:

An older man was traveling from one village to another on foot when he encountered a younger man coming towards him.

The younger man asked the older man “What are the people like in the village he was headed to?”

The older man asked “What were the people like in the village he just left?”

The younger man repled “Oh they were so nice and friendly. They offered me food, water, and a place to rest. I would have loved to remain, but I needed to continue my travels.”

The older man told him “You will probably find similar people at the village he was heading to.”

A little while later the old man encountered another younger man approaching him. This man asked the older man the same question. The older man again inquired from the younger man about the village he just left.

This newer man replied “Oh, there were terrible. They were mean and unfriendly. They would not offer a place to rest, something cool to drink or any food at all. They tried to steal my things and I was afraid for my life.”

The older wise man replied to him the same as before. “you will probably find similr people there too.”

I find the same here in the Philippines with the people you meet. Treat them with an honest and friendly attitude and you usually get the same in return.

John Ray wrote the following article and sent it as his thoughts after reading my series “Poverty and Survival”.

John Ray is a English Teacher on Palawan and his insite and thoughts of being a Filipino, the trials and lifes lessons, and living in the Philippines is very thoughtful.

I hope you enjoy his article. He has been away for the summer and has ignored his site, now I am looking for more interesting articles and stories on his site in the future.

And now for a  Filipino Philosophers thoughts on “Poverty” by John Ray F. Arquisola of Roxas, Palawan

Poverty is an age old issue. No historian or scientist has ever been able to record when it sprang up, how it became, or why it occurs. But history attests that nations have been trying to deal with it like an incurable cancer. Effort, time and money have been spent for countless times to prevent and eradicate it yet those who do try to defy face a wall of what seems impossibilities. For many years, there have been talks about poverty eradicating plans but again these plans fail miserably against the harsh reality of poverty. I am not a pessimist nor am I bound to realism, however, so much has been spent and wasted only to find out it is not the entirety of a nation’s problem.

Sometimes we forget that poverty itself is not the only problem that hinders progress. I think one mistake the Philippines been making so far is it has been focusing too much on poverty itself. Since I was a kid, I always hear bank robbers, snatchers and thieves say that they were stealing and robbing because they were poor. On the other hand, I encounter other people who have much less in life rear their family successfully without resorting to crime. Then I encounter people who would not exchange their current life for wealth. Again, I also encounter people who look like millionaires but could rarely eat a decent meal and then there are people who sell “ice scramble (crushed ice with sugar, milk and peanuts)” but are 3x richer than a teacher.

Though poverty to some is the root of their problem and the hindrance to their success, I believe that for many people, poverty is the fruit of a much worse problem. Greed, for example, results to poverty. Waste results in poverty. Laziness results in poverty. Quitters become poor. The lack of know-how usually makes you poor. There are many Filipinos who are still living below the poverty line and the reason why they are still there is not even directly related to poverty itself.

So what is my point in all these? Well, for one, poverty cannot be solved in the general scale. Being in poverty is unique in each individual and trying to solve it using fix systems is all but disastrous. It’s like trying to open a screw using a hammer. Each one need different solutions and most of the time they themselves hold that key. Don’t blame it on luck or on opportunities.

Secondly, poverty has been heavily associated with financial stability. While it may seem true, looking at the economic situation we are in, everybody is prone to poverty. Financial stability is not a security and those in and under the poverty line will more likely survive the financial crisis than those who claim financial stability. I guess they are above the poverty line in terms of survivability.

Lastly, poverty is most of the time a matter of perception. I once heard an American girl say she felt she was very poor because she did not have new clothes for prom. This may sound funny but being in social networks and constantly surfing the net I have found numerous first world country citizens who “felt” they were extremely poor because they could not buy what they wanted. I doubt I could convince them they were rich base on the figures they were earning every month and comparing it to extreme poor countries such as Bangladesh. While on the other hand I see people who could barely eat three times a day feel rich and satisfied. Confusing eh… I guess dissatisfaction creates poverty in the rich and gratitude makes the poor wealthy.

]]> http://americanindavao.com/blog/2009/07/a-filipino-philosophers-thoughts-on-poverty/feed/ 18 http://americanindavao.com/blog/2009/03/why-i-married-a-filipina-part-1/ http://americanindavao.com/blog/2009/03/why-i-married-a-filipina-part-1/#comments Thu, 12 Mar 2009 02:11:39 +0000 Bruce http://americanindavao.com/blog/?p=370 Someone recently in a comment asked about why I moved to the Philippines. I guess he did not read my early posts so I will explain again here. First I will explain why I looked at Filipinas for my possible bride. Then I will continue to describe the history of me and Elena.As I typed this history I noticed it is getting long so I will break up this to a few posts.

It was the year 2004, I had been single for years and not much in the dating scene. I was 51 years old and no luck in meeting the right lady in Florida.

In the States most of the available single women available for a man in his 50’s would be in the mid 40’s on the younger range. They would have been married at least once, had a home, a job and a few kids. The best description about American Woman thoughts about a relationship was best described by a friend when I asked her when she would marry her boyfriend.  They were in a relationship for a few years, loved each other and he would spend some nights at her house. When I asked, she replied “How will marrying him make my life better.

Also, and I am not trying to insult ladies, but many women in my dating age range had, what can I say, either heavier than I desire, too independent, looking for a man with a higher standard of living, or someone to fix their financial problems. I know, not all women are like that, but where I lived and the women I met feel into those categories.

I tried again the dating sites of American ladies. In my profiles I used a recent photo and honest descriptions of myself, my stats, my interests and general financial position. I have always believed, you start a relationship with lies, it ends in insults. Unfortunately the ladies that contacted me or replied to my interest were not what I was interested in meeting. Many times, if I met the lady, her photo was 10 years old and description did not match who she was really about. The first failure was a lady without a photo who had in her description that she was 5’-8’ and 135 lbs. For weeks we emailed, chatted online and then by phone. We finally met. She was about 5’-8” but so heavy I joked after that her right leg was 135 lbs.

At that time, I had a good job, made a good salary, but was tired of living alone without someone to love. Did I need a woman in my life? No. Did I want a woman in my life? Yes. I was thinking, I did not want to grow old alone.

I, like many, always thought of Asian ladies being exotic and beautiful. I also remembered years ago, there was a magazine, Cherry Blossoms. It was like a mail order bride catalog with descriptions, photos and contact ID #. For a fee you could mail the company a letter to a lady, they would attach a translation and forward it to the lady. Her reply would go the same in reverse. At the time, I never used their service, but when I started thinking of finding an Asian lady, I remembered the name and realized with the age of the internet, they might have a website.

Sure enough they did and I browsed through the profiles in the site. Thinking I was going to eventually bring my chosen lady to America, I wanted a lady in the 30-45 range, experience in working and understanding of English.

I joined, paid my fee and started writing my profile. I have always been open and honest so I told the truth about me and posted a recent photo. The next morning I found over 100 emails in the sites mailbox. They were from ladies 18 to 60. Some even told me they were in love with me and ready to come to America to marry me. This scared me, how can a lady who has never seen me, chatted with me, talked to me, be in love with me.

On the site they had a feature where you could see who was online and you could chat with them. I would look through the list and if I saw a photo of someone I thought was pretty, I would click and invite to chat. Once chatting, most would invite to chat on Yahoo IM. Many had web cams so we could see each other too.

At first it was ladies from China and Thailand. There were a few I thought I liked and they would answer in English. Then one day I noticed something that looked like a calculator in their hand. I asked what it was and was informed it was a translator. They would type in my message and it would translate it into their language. I then would ask when I started chatting if they were able to talk in English. Most said no. I could not understand how you could meet a lady to eventually marry if you could not communicate without a translation device. It was then I realized to focus my search with Filipinas.

Next I will write about how I focused on ladies from the Philippines and how I met Elena.

Well, as you now will find out, Tom is a retired Catholic Priest from Texas. For his own reasons Tom moved a few years ago to the Philippines. From the first moment I met him, I felt a comfortable and trusting friendship.

I do not know if it was because of my site or just the need to have a blog of his own, Tom has started his own blog Reflections of a Retired Priest – Philippines.

I hope you will visit and enjoy his thoughts, reflections, and observations.