There are many sites with the subject of living, retiring or just visiting the Philippines. Some of these sites make it look like it is the best place to live with no problems attached. They make it feel as you walk off the plane sexy native girls in bikinis will put flower leis around your neck and if you wish, offer you a night in Heaven with them.  Other sites makes it sound like the worst place to live and the only reason they are here is because they could not afford to live in their home country and were forced to move here.  Neither of these scenarios is correct. There are good parts to living here and parts that are that are very different from life we are used to.

Even in the States if you move from one coast to another or even across the State, there are differences. I remember after I moved to California from New York friend berating me for saying often “in New York this….” or “in New York that…” He was right. I was so used to things, life and foods in New York, I had trouble getting used to the differences. Again, when I moved to Florida from California it took time to adjust. With so many people in Florida are from New York, I again got frustrated with things that were not really “New York” style.

You need to remember this is a Third World Nation. There is a lot of poverty. In addition, this is an Asian country and most of the culture has developed with an Asian mentality. It is true this country was under the Spanish rule for many years, and then by America but the main influence is Asian. For many centuries, the Chinese were here and the old Chinese families own much of the bigger corporations.  There is also a large Japanese and Korean influence here.

Many of the hard good products here are manufactured in China. In addition, as most of we know there are many products we would consider substandard.  There are “rip offs” of known products, especially cell phones that look just like the real object. They are much cheaper but unfortunately, they do not work as the original or last.

Even with known foods turn out to be different. Most bread here has sugar and is sweet. Beef and pork are tougher then we are used to. This is because in most of the world pigs and cattle for meat are the males. Also at a young age, they are castrated so there is not testosterone to toughen the meat and the animal is smaller. Here they are hogs and bull meat. These animals are raised to their maximum size and because of this; their muscles are stronger so the meat will be tougher.

Being a nation of many islands fish is the main food protein source. In addition, rice is the main food staple. Most Filipinos eat rice at the three main meals a day. It is not a side dish or about a cup of rice, it is a huge pile of rice on the plate. Pork and chicken are eaten often, but the chickens are small. About pork, Filipinos love the fatty parts and because of this most of the pork, you see has a thick layer of fat.

Clothes in bigger sizes are hard to find and for some reason I do not understand, the size you see is smaller than in the US. I am not talking about small, medium or large. I am talking about things like slacks. In the US, I wore 36-inch waist. Here I need a 40-inch size. I have wide feet. Not only is it difficult to find a size 12, it has been impossible to find a wide or E width.
Traffic is something to get used to here. I have a friend riding with me the other day. He told me he had owned a car and had driven his whole life, but he would never attempt to drive here. Many foreigners hire drivers so they do not have to bother.

So, where are the good parts to living here? Well we all know, the biggest reason is the cost of living.  Even though some items are actually more expensive here, over all the cost of living is cheaper.  Where in the states can you live in a city area and have a nice two to four bedroom house in an upper scale gated community for around $85,000. Where can you go out for a nice steak dinner for $25? Where can you play golf with a golf cart and a caddy for around $30?

If you are a single man in the retirement age, where can you find a girl and have a relationship from an age of their early 20’s to 30’s? It might not be the exact relationship you think of in the States but you both get what you are looking for. You just need to set your needs and boundaries.

Is living in the Philippines a total paradise? No, but where is there a paradise.

There are differences in all relationships no matter if you are from the same country, same culture, same racial background, same age range or any mix of them. Here you mostly see older retired men with young women. It is not just expat men, even many times you see older Filipinos with young women on their arm.

Here in the Philippines there is much poverty. Many families barely can afford a bowl of rice a day. Many employed Filipinos earn so little income it is difficult to feed and clothe their families.  In the Provinces there is even less opportunities to earn a living. Because of this, many young people come to the cities to look for employment. However, the cities are so over populated; the competition for jobs is huge. Because of this, many families encourage their daughters to seek relationships with men from foreign countries on the internet or through friendships with Filipinas already involved in a relationship with a Foreigner.

Because many men from around the world find a strong attraction to Asian women and since English is spoken here to some degree by, most Filipinos women from the Philippines are very desirable.

There are different ways and reasons foreign men find Filipinas, enter into some form of relationship, and come to the Philippines. Some meet Filipinas in their home country and visit or move to the Philippines after retirement. Some meet a woman on line with the intention of bringing them back to their home country and come here to meet in person and some men move here after retirement to marry a woman they met online or to just play the dating game once they move here.

Now let us discuss a little about the age differences. On one forum site I saw a lot of activity of men bragging how much younger their wife was than their age. I wanted to joke and say my wife is so young, she has not been born yet. OK, it is a fact you see many men in their sixties with women in the early to mid twenties. These men will talk about how well their wife or girlfriend takes care of them. Their women cook, clean and do their laundry. The Filipinas take care of every need the man has and I am not talking about intimate details. The thing is, Filipinas are raised doing these things for their fathers and brothers. Men here are treated on a higher level in most instances. From an early age they are taught how to clean, cook and do laundry. To most, this is their duty.

Now let us look at why these women are interested in older men. I can answer in one word, Security. An older man, especially a foreigner is living on a pension, investments and many times more than one. These men will come here, live in an apartment or house of better quality than where the women family lives. They will eat better quality foods, wear better quality clothes and have a better quality of life. Is this love? To everyone, love has a different definition. Love is a word of a feeling, an emotion; it has no real description except for how each person describes it for himself or herself.

Many times a girl’s parents will support their daughter to use an internet café and if needed, live in another city in a boarding house to be able to find a foreigner husband. The family will expect the girl’s boyfriend to assist in the support of her family.

Some women want a foreign husband and to leave the Philippines, some prefer to stay. Again, each has their own reasons. From what I have learned from discussing this with different people I have met, I feel women who grew up in deep poverty want to escape this country and never look back. On the other hand, women that grew up in a better environment look for the foreigner to move here and upscale their living.

Now I want to discuss the types of women men meet here. Most men are attracted to all young women you see on the street, in the malls and in the bars. Everywhere you go you see many young, beautiful and sexy women. In addition, many of these women are interested in an older foreigner as I mentioned above. Many times young women we know ask if I know of a single foreigner. Then they say if I do know of some, would I give him to them.

One man I know who has retired here was commenting that most of the young women he has met are mostly looking for him to take them out dancing, drinking or meals and never let the relationship escalate to a more intimate level. When he takes them out, they bring a group of friends and he ends up picking up the bill for the whole crowd. He plans to remain in the Philippines. He would marry a woman who is honestly looking for a long-term relationship and not someone to pay the bills for a night out on the town. He asked a group of us, how he could find such a woman. My thought on this matter is this; does he honestly think a female in her early twenties sees an overweight foreigner in his sixties and thinks, “Wow, what a man, I am in love.” In my mind, they see a man and if they feel there is some level of compatibility, she would be content to marry him and improve her life and maybe help support her family.

He also mentioned he would like a woman that has some higher education and her English is better to easily talk with her and have discussions. I told him this is something I have thought about after hearing this from many men visiting here in Davao. Most of the females with a higher education are employed. They work in an office or a mall. These jobs usually are long hours. Some malls employees work from opening to closing, which is usually 10am to 10pm. If a mall has a midnight sale, these sales people are working even longer hours. Many of these girls are from the Provinces and came to Davao for better job opportunities. They do not make a lot of money and usually share a boarding house room. However, they usually speak better English and have a friendly manor and a happier outlook on life. With the long hours, most of these females go home after work and have no energy or free time to hang out in a disco or bar.

Therefore, who are the females available to party all night, the unemployed? These are the women out there trying to find a “rich” foreigner. They enjoy the drinking and dancing and have learned how to play up to a perspective foreigner. For some this is a way to find a future partner and some it is a business with a few men they are involved with.

Now, my feelings have developed over time here and I realize with the poverty and the high unemployment, this is a way for females to survive. Even the business of GRO’s (General Recreation Officers), females that work the bars. Some are available for extras and some are just there for men to have someone to dance, drink and talk with. Even prostitution is a means for a female, or male to support their family when regular employment is difficult to obtain.

Now I know many of you have other thoughts on this subject and some of you who will tell me I am wrong. This is my opinion and view from living here and things I have notices and heard. I welcome other views and stories. I just ask all comments be respectful to this site, any other visitor’s comments and me.

Public school is free, but there is no free lunch program at most schools. Also all the material for school projects has to be covered by the family. Because of these expenses, many children never attend school.

Even though we usually only have two girls assist us, over time we have gotten to know more of these children. As Christmas approached, Elena and I decided to do something nice for these kids. We talked about giving some of the kid’s gifts, but we also wanted to have a party for them.  One problem we faced is where and how.

At the market there is an area that features small eatery stalls. We found one with room for seating and could provide the usual snack for Filipinos, Pancit Canton. Pancit is like the Chinese food Lo Mein, with noodles, vegetables and pork. We also could purchase bottled soda there and we planned to bring loafs of bread. Snacks high in carbohydrates are usual here.

For gifts Elena went to Chinatown to buy blouses, T-shirts, small toys and candies to give to the children. Elena also purchased gift bags to pack items for easy distribution. One problem we faced was how many of the children could we invite. The market has many of these children and there are many poor beggar kids hanging around the market too. We probably know about ten of these kids, but the market is like a small community and they all know each other. Inviting one could end up with five. Because of budget and available room at the eatery, we decided on twenty children.

On Sunday morning, we went to Agdao for our usual weekly shopping. While there, Elena told the girls we know about the party and that we cannot have more than twenty children since we did not want to hurt the feelings of extras attending and not receiving a gift.

About 11am, we arrived back at the market and some were already waiting. We also had with us two of our nieces to assist with cameras to take photos and video of the party. Then Elena went into the market to find some of the others we know that were still working carrying purchases for a customer. Three little girls I have known were standing by the parked cars looking shy. When I tried to get them to join us, I found out they were Muslim and could not eat the Pancit since it contained pork. We finally got them to join us and at least they could have bread and soda.

Once everyone was seated, all the children stood and did a prayer for the meal. Then the food was brought out and everyone dug in for the feast. All the smiles, joy and full mouths these kids showed made us enjoy the party too. I wondered how often these kids could eat until they were full. Many made sandwiches filled with the noodles and filled their mouths and tummy’s with smiles and joking with each other.

As the party started, I saw this one little girl standing nearby looking so sad that she was not invited. Seeing this cute little girl looking so sad, I had Elena explain to her; even though we do not have, enough presents we wanted her to come and eat with us. The shy smile I received made me happy we did not exclude her.

After the eating was done and most of the food gone, all the kids started singing us Charismas carols. First, as they looked and pointed to us, they sang, “We wish you a Merry Christmas”. Then they sang more carols to us. While they were singing, my two nieces went and retrieved from the car two big bags filled with the gift bags. As the singing finished, Elena gave each child one of the gift bags. As each child received their gift, there were big smiles and big eyes.

At one point, I told the kids, and Elena translated to make sure it was understood, that it was our pleasure giving these children this party in thanks for the friendship they always show me at the market.

As the party broke up, most thanked us and many gave us hugs. A few even gave me a kiss on the cheek. The joy we gave these children to let them know we are happy we have become friends they not forgotten. We also wanted to make sure they had something to enjoy the spirit of giving for this holiday season.

There are many who we never used to assist us, but they always say hello to me. At times when I am waiting for Elena, some will stand with talk and joke to me or just keep me company. Some will sneak up behind me and poke me on the side as they pass by. At times, I feel like the Pied Piper as we walk through the market or to the car with five to ten kids walking with us.

They never ask for anything from us or beg with the usual sob stories. If we can use them at the market, they are paid. However, if not, they still show their friendship to us. Many times, we arrive at the market and cannot find our usual helpers. If I see one of the others, they will travel through the market to find our usual girl.

I hope this is the first of an annual tradition. I was thinking if in the future years, if we get donations, we can have more of these children to attend a party and besides the snack and gifts, maybe we can include a little money so they can pass the Christmas cheer to others in their family.

I hope you enjoy the video and the slide show of the photos we took. The video is long but I hope you enjoy it.

Sorry for the late posing. Had trouble setting it up.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

According to Wikipedia there are about 11 million Filipinos working or living overseas. Some have received Residency in the foreign country. From my limited knowledge, in the USA, if you are in the States with a contract work Visa, after 5 years you can apply for residency. At that point, you can live in the States and do not need to submit a work contract to Immigration.

These OFW’s send home in to form of Remittance money to support their family. In 2008, the amount of remittance that was sent to the Philippines was $15.9 billion dollars and represented about 13.5% of the Philippines GDP in 2005.

Most if not all OFW’s have to register with the Philippine Overseas Employment Administration and follow the rules. Since most OFW’s are hired through an agency, they are registered. One of the rules is they must send home a percentage of their salary. Actually, it is automatically send home from the agency that pays them.  Marine Engineers and Seamen who work on shipping vessels have to send 80% of their salary home to their family. This is not difficult since all their room and board is part of living on the ship.

Many families work hard and save for their children’s education and many look to an education in an area for employment abroad. Also with the Filipino culture of the children, helping to support their family and elders this is a way to improve the family’s life here in the Philippines. Unfortunately, if the OFW is sending 80% of their income home, which leaves them with little to support themselves in the country they are living.

As for the family back home, some use this money to improve their life. They can purchase a better home and save to open a business to increase the family’s income for the future. IF they are able to develop a business that earns a good income, once day the OFW worker can return home and live a better life with their family.

This is not always the case.  Many times this income makes the family back home lazy. They see the remittances as a way stay home and live well. Some use this better life to show off to their friends and do nothing with their life. This is bad for the family, the worker and even the country. Instead of using this increased income to help move a family up to a more self-sufficient family unit, it keeps the OFW slaving away so he does not hurt their family.

The use of family members to support their family and improve their life is a wonderful part of the Filipino culture. In the USA and in other countries, parents support their child through their schooling and hope their child will become a well-paid and productive part of society and support itself from then on. After that, in most cases, the parents go on with their life and the adult child goes on with his/hers. At times, the parent will give assistance with the buying of a home or the start of a business, but not the monthly support.

This is a cultural difference here in the Philippines. It is something you need to understand and accept if living here. As I say, it is not our right to change a culture, but to accept it as a fact of living here.

In the Philippines September starts the Ber season. That is because the all the month’s end in Ber and that is what marks the coming Holiday season of Christmas. The stores are already displaying and selling Christmas decorations and you will hear the holiday music.

Soon the houses will be lit up with Christmas lights, Christmas trees will be set up and their decorations will be everywhere. But this is not the only signs of the upcoming holiday season.

There is something else that becomes noticeable that the holiday system is coming and that is the increased presence of the Lumad beggars. Lumad is the Cebuano or Bisaya word for the indigenous peoples of the southern Philippines. There is always a presence of these people, but the amount magnifies this time of year. Many of these people live in the mountains and highlands of Mindanao. During the holiday season many come into Davao by busses and trucks.

These people, the most noticeable are the females. They are in long loose skirts and T-shirts, darker completion and by all places there is a business or shopping. Many carry young children or babies in their arms and come up to you, tap you on the arm if you are not looking towards them and then put their hand out or they are carrying a plastic cup. They will motion to their mouths to say “I am hungry” or some know the word hungry. They will be at intersections and go from ca to car, tapping on the window and then motioning to their mouths or put their hand out. Some small boys will tape a few metal cans together and come up to your car and play the cans like Bongos and then put their hands out.

If you try to ignore them, many will continue to tap on your car window or your arm. No matter if you shake your head no, or say no or “wala kwarta” which means “no Money” many will continue to stand there.

It is especially bad when they see a foreigner; our lighter skin is like a beacon on a dark night. They will ignore all others and come up to you and start the routine. Many have no shame and will walk around with a baby in their arms, with their blouse raised and breast feeding the babies.

I can understand the poverty here in the Philippines and the lack of government support for the poor and unemployed, but this bussing in of the Lumad for the Christmas season to beg, and then bring them back to the mountains for the rest of the year has to be hard on these people and also on the City. The sidewalks and markets get full and so many in the streets with the heavy traffic makes a difficult situation and a danger for all.

Our helper is working out better than I expected. She works hard, is friendly and sociable and even will joke with me.  While at home on her day off, she still does household chores. Since she does not have friends, our nieces will allow her to join them if they go out on a Sunday and will take her to church with them.

Of the three helpers for my Elena’s friends, one did not work out and returned to her Province this week. This girl was only 16 and did not have the attitude to work away from home. From what I heard, the first few days had to be directed constantly and would walk around like in a daze looking at everything. We also found out after, she only attended elementary school and only spoke Bisaya and not much Tagalog. Unfortunately the lady that hired her is not from Davao and is from Luzon. This lady speaks Tagalog. Since the helper did not finish school, her knowledge of Tagalog was very little. Also this girl’s hygiene was bad and had to be told to do her own laundry.

After she was gone, we heard this girl came from a bad family and had run away from home in the past. She also was now homesick and missed her free life with her friends, family and even a boyfriend. As in any employment situation, you never know if someone hired will work out, it does become more difficult if the person is not local and you do not have the luxury of interviewing the person before they make the trip. Then if they do not work out, besides the cost of the travel here, you have to cover the costs of their return trip.

The friend of ours that hired her was very gracious and understanding. Even though she was unhappy with the girl, she never complained to us about the waste or time and the cost of the girl. This proves again of the kindness of Filipinos. In the US, we would complain and argue about how we would have wasted our money in a situation like this.

John Ray wrote the following article and sent it as his thoughts after reading my series “Poverty and Survival”.

John Ray is a English Teacher on Palawan and his insite and thoughts of being a Filipino, the trials and lifes lessons, and living in the Philippines is very thoughtful.

I hope you enjoy his article. He has been away for the summer and has ignored his site, now I am looking for more interesting articles and stories on his site in the future.

And now for a  Filipino Philosophers thoughts on “Poverty” by John Ray F. Arquisola of Roxas, Palawan

Poverty is an age old issue. No historian or scientist has ever been able to record when it sprang up, how it became, or why it occurs. But history attests that nations have been trying to deal with it like an incurable cancer. Effort, time and money have been spent for countless times to prevent and eradicate it yet those who do try to defy face a wall of what seems impossibilities. For many years, there have been talks about poverty eradicating plans but again these plans fail miserably against the harsh reality of poverty. I am not a pessimist nor am I bound to realism, however, so much has been spent and wasted only to find out it is not the entirety of a nation’s problem.

Sometimes we forget that poverty itself is not the only problem that hinders progress. I think one mistake the Philippines been making so far is it has been focusing too much on poverty itself. Since I was a kid, I always hear bank robbers, snatchers and thieves say that they were stealing and robbing because they were poor. On the other hand, I encounter other people who have much less in life rear their family successfully without resorting to crime. Then I encounter people who would not exchange their current life for wealth. Again, I also encounter people who look like millionaires but could rarely eat a decent meal and then there are people who sell “ice scramble (crushed ice with sugar, milk and peanuts)” but are 3x richer than a teacher.

Though poverty to some is the root of their problem and the hindrance to their success, I believe that for many people, poverty is the fruit of a much worse problem. Greed, for example, results to poverty. Waste results in poverty. Laziness results in poverty. Quitters become poor. The lack of know-how usually makes you poor. There are many Filipinos who are still living below the poverty line and the reason why they are still there is not even directly related to poverty itself.

So what is my point in all these? Well, for one, poverty cannot be solved in the general scale. Being in poverty is unique in each individual and trying to solve it using fix systems is all but disastrous. It’s like trying to open a screw using a hammer. Each one need different solutions and most of the time they themselves hold that key. Don’t blame it on luck or on opportunities.

Secondly, poverty has been heavily associated with financial stability. While it may seem true, looking at the economic situation we are in, everybody is prone to poverty. Financial stability is not a security and those in and under the poverty line will more likely survive the financial crisis than those who claim financial stability. I guess they are above the poverty line in terms of survivability.

Lastly, poverty is most of the time a matter of perception. I once heard an American girl say she felt she was very poor because she did not have new clothes for prom. This may sound funny but being in social networks and constantly surfing the net I have found numerous first world country citizens who “felt” they were extremely poor because they could not buy what they wanted. I doubt I could convince them they were rich base on the figures they were earning every month and comparing it to extreme poor countries such as Bangladesh. While on the other hand I see people who could barely eat three times a day feel rich and satisfied. Confusing eh… I guess dissatisfaction creates poverty in the rich and gratitude makes the poor wealthy.

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