In America and I would expect in most Western countries meeting and courting is similar. First, there are many ways someone meets the opposite sex with the thoughts of finding a mate. It can be through a friend, at your employment, in a social event or a dating site online.

Fist I will talk about the direct contact. In most cases, your first meeting will be face to face. You might be out in a bar or social place. Your eyes meet and you find a way to start a conversation. You talk, joke and try to find something in common to carry on a conversation. Once you find this easy conversation and some common interests one will offer their phone number and possible arrange to go for coffee or a meal.

If all goes well on the first meeting, you will offer to go out again. This basic dating will continue for months or even years. Each will invite the other to their home for a meal or an evening and can eventually upgrade to meeting each other’s family. At some point, intimacy will come into the relationship. You might spend nights at each other’s home or go for weekend get-a-ways.

With all this dating and courting, you get to see how each other reacts to life’s situations. How they control anger, happiness and how they are in private, social and family situations. You see how they handle their finances and how they live their lives. Over time, you will decide if this person will be a good fit for the long-term relationship. If not and you remove your “rose colored glasses”, you will end the relationship and start all over.

Over time if there is a strong compatibility is developed and the two decide to either cohabitate to save on money or decide to marry. If you are young, this is a natural step.  If you are in your 30’s, 40’s or older there can be other complications. What if you have children from a previous relationship, if this is the case there are things to look at. Do you get along with your mates children, do they respect you and willing to treat you as a parent figure. Who does the discipline and are you both willing to give up part of your power to the other.

One thing I have learned while living here, Filipinos are not caught up with appearances as we are in America. In America, some look for hair color, height, weight and figure sometimes even eye color.  You also have to remember, Filipinas either are looking for a foreigner or not. I have not heard of many that had no interest in a Foreigner husband and then met one and fell in love. If a Filipina wants a foreigner, she will sign up for many of the online dating sites.  Their whole plan is to find a foreigner to marry and improve their lives. Some only want to relocate to another country and somewhat the foreigner to move here. A few do not care as long as they find a foreigner.

Now for the courting to a Filipina from an American or European man.  In most cases, the man has met a woman or many women online. You start with emails and chatting online. You might have sent gifts or sent money to improve her life. Finally, you decide you need to meet this woman in person. You take your vacation and fly to the Philippines to meet.  You will only come for one to a few weeks. You both show the best of yourself.

In many cases, the woman is not a virgin, and if she is, most times she is willing to give that special gift to you.  With the Filipina culture and to treat a perspective husband well, she will treat you like a King. She will be loving and caring, as you have never experienced. If you visit her home city, she will show you all the sites, even if you do not find them interesting, she will be proud of her city.

In the Philippines, public display of affection is not looked upon well. If you are touching and kissing in public, it will make the woman feel cheap and others to think of her as a whore. Holding hands or arm around shoulders is fine.

In some cases, if she is young, especially if she is going to travel to a city to meet you, she might bring her mother or a family member as a chaperone. If this is the case, show her and her chaperone with respect. You will be expected to cover all costs for both. As I mention many times on this site, set your boundaries. You will look at as a Rich Foreigner. Even if you are poor in your country, you still have more money than she does. Many Filipinas will ask you to take her everywhere, eat at best restaurants and purchase her items from clothes to new cell phones. Look out for this, the more she asks for, the more it will show it is your wallet she wants and not you.

If you are already living here in the Philippines courting is not much different. Most women you meet that are interested in dating or marrying a foreigner are looking for a better life. In addition, many will see you as a way to go out and have fun without any expense. I have heard of many men who make a date and she shows up with 4 to 6 friends. They will order food and drinks and leave you with the tab. Again, set boundaries. If she asks to bring a friend, tell her you are not willing to be the sponsor to feed all her friends. If you agree on one extra person and she shows up with many, my best advice is to give her taxi fare and leave. If she really were interested in you, she would not have lied. If she is looking towards you as the banker, you did not need her anyway.

In the beginning, we try to give the best impression to this person. Maybe a friend introduced you to this person and told you about their interests and hobbies. You try to keep conversations on subjects the other person has an interest. You try to show your best manors and grooming. Over time, if the relationship continues, you get comfortable and your true self becomes more exposed. Sometimes the relationship ends up in trouble or ends. It could be weeks, months or even years.

Even if the relationship turns into cohabitation or marriage, over time our differences can become a problem. I have heard different excuses, such as “we have grown in different directions” or “he/she is not the same person I first met.”

I have even had friends that had a vision of the person they think they can change the person into and see that person with that vision or conception. I remember when a female friend told me her boyfriend is not the same as he was when they met. I told her he is the same, she was not able to change him to the person she envisioned him to become. She thought for a while and then agreed with me.

If you were lucky, and this problem occurred before you moved in together or become married, all it becomes is a breakup. You go on with your life and start over.

Over the past 15-20 years with the internet, many of us tried the internet dating sites. We sign up, answer questions, fill out a profile and even post a photograph. Most of us try to be honest, but we will tend to tell about how wonderful we are all our great accomplishments and about our caring and warm personality. We do not discuss our weaknesses, faults or personality flaws. Some even deceive and use old photos when our bodies were thin and firm.

After you make a connection, you send messages and emails to each other. Eventually it goes to phone calls or voice and video chat. How many times we see the other person on video or meet in person and they do not look at all like their photo on their profile. Again, no big problem, you either disconnect the connection, or if you met in person, you finish your drink and dinner and go home and delete the person from your speed dial.

Now to discuss international meetings since this is what many of the readers here are experiencing. With the difficulties, finding ladies in our home country more and more are looking at ladies from Asia or Europe. Many Caucasian men, me included, find Asian ladies exotic and beautiful. We have also heard how Asian women through their culture are taught to take such good care of their man.

So we go online and visit all the sites to meet a beautiful and in most cases young lady. As soon as you add your profile, you mailbox will be filled with hundreds of ladies interested in you. At first, you will feel so special, so many of these beautiful ladies want to get to know you better. Over time, you will find a few or even one lady you want to get to know better. You email each other and then move on to one of the instant messaging systems such as Yahoo. You will hear how this young lady is interested in an older American or European man since we are more reliable, mature and responsible than most men in their country. This is true but in many cases, it is more and never said. Why do you think these women spend a big part of their meager budget to spend hours in an internet café?

As I have written many times, here in the Philippines it is very difficult to earn a wage to support yourself or your family. Many Filipinos need a lot less to be content. They are not used to the large houses, central air conditioning, or even modern conveniences such as a stove. However, from watching movies or television they see how we live in our country. Then many hear about how a friend’s life has improved when they move to America or Europe. Some have friends or hear about a Filipina who is living with a foreigner here in the Philippines.

With this dream of such an improved life, many of these ladies will tell the man in emails how she will treat him and take care of him. They will tell you how they enjoy every hobby the man mentions or tells him how exciting it would be to learn his hobby so they can do these things together.

Is this much different from dating in your home country. Not really, we try to be what the person we are interested in dating is interested in doing. The difference is you never get to build the relationship as you do if the lady is in your own city. There is the old saying that “Long distance relationships do not last.” Now you are starting on a relationship that is half way around the world.

From most of the relationships between a Foreigner and a Filipina, I know or have heard about, most of these ladies are from a poor family located in the Provinces. I have spoken or joked with ladies who have a better job living in the city, if they were interested in a foreigner. Most of the time they look shocked and say no. This is because they feel they can have a good “Filipino” life and do not need a foreigner husband to support them.

So now, I have discussed how we meet. What is the next step? You take your vacation and fly to the Philippines. You stay in a nice hotel and have the lady meet you there. You have a wonderful week or two. You eat in nice restaurants, you spend the day visiting places or you go shopping and buy your lady gifts that to you are not expensive but they could never afford. By the end of your vacation, you are on a cloud and so sad you have to fly home.

Think about all your past relationships and how wonderful they were in the beginning, and how they ended. If you are honest, you can see it was the fault of both. The truth about you comes out and the same of your partner.

I am not telling you to give up your thoughts of finding a Filipino for a wife, just think about the amount of time needed to really get to know someone. Visit more than once. Tell about your moods, your lifestyle and ask questions about hers and her needs and dreams. If you are planning to bring her to your country, tell her about life there, the weather and the lifestyle. Even in America life and lifestyle is different depending where you live.

If you are planning to move here, visit the city you plan to live. Get to know other foreigners and ask about their life. Once you are here, build the relationship slowly. Set your boundaries and explain your needs. Learn as much about the customs and norms. As I have written, the Filipino culture is so different from the American or European culture. One boundary you need to discuss is the ladies family. Does she expect you to support any of her family or does she expect to let members of the family live with you?

I knew my wife Elena for about three years before I moved here. I visited her three times and the last two I stayed in her house. With all this, once here there were things or personality traits I never knew about her and some she did not know about me. We have worked out most but no relationship or marriage is perfect. The best part is we love each other enough to get through the problems.

At this point, if you want to continue your stay you must leave the country and return. At that point, your passport will show an exit stamp and a new entry stamp and you can stay again 16 or 24 months. Cost varies for each extension but it is somewhere around 3000 pesos ($65 USD). At the six-month extension, there is a higher fee and then if you plan to leave the country and return, you need to get an exit visa.

Accommodations:
There are many choices of stay in Davao and the rest of the bigger cities in the Philippines. I can only talk about Davao because I have not spent much time out of the city.

For a visitor to the city the available accommodations vary in quality and cost. One of the cheapest is a boarding house. These places are small and have little in what a foreigner would find desirable. The rooms are small and most times shared. A room for four would have two bunk beds. There is usually only one CR for the house and consist of a non-flushing toilet and a faucet to fill a pail of water to bucket shower.

Next is a Pension House. The amenities vary, some have air conditioners and some do not. Most have a shared CR. Prices range from around 695 pesos a night ($15 USD). I have never seen the insides but they cleanliness will probably vary with price.

There are many hotels here from the basic to the high end, 5 stars. The prices vary too and many times, you can get a discount from some of the booking sites. Since prices vary, I am not going to list them. Many of the hotels offer free wifi in the rooms, some charge.

There are also many Apartelles here, which are small rooms. They are clean and come furnished with hot water showers, TV’s, wifi. Some come with small kitchens. One I know of even has a pool and a small restaurant/bar if you do not want to travel and do not want to cook. These places cost around 1000 pesos ($22 USD) a day and for extended stay of over a month will give some discounted rates.

For longer stays, there are furnished and unfurnished houses and apartments available.

Restaurants:
Lately there have been more restaurants opening with a more international choice of foods. Again, prices vary. For a visitor, most of these higher end restaurants have cheap prices. Those on a budget can still find decent foods. If you want to be more native, there are little roadside Caranderias. At these places, you can get a meal for as little as 20 pesos ($0.50).

For high-end cuisines, you can eat for 1500 pesos ($30 USD) including a Black Angus steak. However, there are many restaurants where you can eat well for a third of the price.

There are many restaurants in Davao I enjoy that are not high priced and some higher end restaurants I do not frequent because of cost. My favorites are:
Boyd’s Pizza/pasta house on Palma Hill, Obrero,
Red Knight Gardens, in Guadalupe Village, Lanang
Coco’s on F. Torres, Bajada
Bigby’s Grill on Jacinto Ext., corner of F. Torres, Bajada

Transportation:
The basic transportation here is the Jeepney. It looks like an extended jeep that can sit approximately 18 passengers. It is open-air vehicle with vinyl windows that will be rolled down during rainstorms. This is to the Filipinos as a local bus in the States. An average ride costs 8 pesos ($0.17 USD). That is to cover a trip not more than 4 kilometers. After 4 KM, there is an additional 1-peso fare per KM. On the sides of the Jeepney their route is painted, which streets they travel and areas they travel too. For someone that does not know the city, it might be best to take a taxi.

Here in Davao most taxis are air-conditioned. There are still some non-aircon taxis but they are slowly being eliminated. The taxis are metered; the meter starts at 30 pesos for aircon and 26 peso for non-aircon.  Then the charge is 2.50 pesos per KM. Usually you can get to most places in town for around 100 pesos.

For short distances or in areas not covered by Jeepneys there are various types of vehicles powered by a motorcycle welded to a sidecar or a little van type size which can seat approx 8 passengers. There are also little 2-4 seat sidecar powered by a bicycle.

Budget:
It is hard to explain a budget since some live large and some are conservative. Then you have to look at how much you will travel around town, if you are going to the beach resorts on Samal or how you will spend your time and with who.

Some of the things you need to discuss with your girlfriend before you visit is who will be joining you for meals or activities or if you will be visiting her family. Many times a Filipina will ask to invite a friend or relative to join them. Other times I have seen foreign visitors at a restaurant with 10 Filipinos at the table.

Even if you explain to your girlfriend your limited budget for your visit, in many Filipinos mind foreign men are rich and can afford their every whim. You need to discuss this before you travel here and set your boundaries. I know we all want to impress and to treat our lady well, but you need limits.

If you are coming with no lady in mind to visit and just play the field, you will need more money. A date usually includes their transportation fees to meet you and their return trip, of course by taxi, meals, drinks and going to Karaoke or clubs. If you bring one of these ladies you meet to go back to your hotel, most will expect a monetary gift. I am not saying they all are prostitutes or whores, but many Filipinas use private time with a foreigner as a way to earn money.

In future articles I will try to discuss courting and visiting “The Family”

I encourage comments from past visitors experiences and questions from future visitors.

For a 13a Visa, which you receive after marriage, you apply with your wife. Most of the application is from the Filipina including a petition for your permanent residency. At first, you receive a one-year temporary residency and ACR card. After one year, you reapply and you receive your permanent residence.

There is also a Retirement Visa or Special Resident Retiree Visa (SRRV). With this, you need to be over the age of 35. Depending on your age group and if you are receiving a pension the requirements vary. With all the variations, you need to invest a sum of money into the county either in a Time Deposit Bank account, a Condo or even a Golf Club Membership. If in a bank, you may remove the interest made over the year but you cannot remove the principle unless you are reinvesting the amount into one of the other approved investments. If you ever cancel one of these investments, you lose your permanent residency.

About the differences, in the U.S. if someone receives their permanent residency through marriage, after two years you need to apply.  I guess this is to prove your marriage was for real reasons and not a business deal to get a residency and Green Card. After those two years, if the marriage is dissolved the legal resident keeps their residency.

Here in the Philippines, the Filipino spouse who partitioned their spouse’s residency decides to, they can go to Immigration and withdraw their petition. At this point the Foreigner is back on tourist visa status unless is being deported for some illegal action.

Recently I heard of a man who cheated on his wife, she was so outraged she went to the Immigration office and withdrew her petition. I am not sure of the reason; the husband is currently in a jail cell at Immigration and might be expecting deportation action against him. I need to say, this is something I heard and do not know if the information is correct. Nevertheless, the point is, residency here is granted by the Philippine Government and can be withdrawn if the requirements are not followed.

I try to keep my nose clean and follow the rules, both with the government and my marriage vows and pray I will stay here peacefully.

There are many sites with the subject of living, retiring or just visiting the Philippines. Some of these sites make it look like it is the best place to live with no problems attached. They make it feel as you walk off the plane sexy native girls in bikinis will put flower leis around your neck and if you wish, offer you a night in Heaven with them.  Other sites makes it sound like the worst place to live and the only reason they are here is because they could not afford to live in their home country and were forced to move here.  Neither of these scenarios is correct. There are good parts to living here and parts that are that are very different from life we are used to.

Even in the States if you move from one coast to another or even across the State, there are differences. I remember after I moved to California from New York friend berating me for saying often “in New York this….” or “in New York that…” He was right. I was so used to things, life and foods in New York, I had trouble getting used to the differences. Again, when I moved to Florida from California it took time to adjust. With so many people in Florida are from New York, I again got frustrated with things that were not really “New York” style.

You need to remember this is a Third World Nation. There is a lot of poverty. In addition, this is an Asian country and most of the culture has developed with an Asian mentality. It is true this country was under the Spanish rule for many years, and then by America but the main influence is Asian. For many centuries, the Chinese were here and the old Chinese families own much of the bigger corporations.  There is also a large Japanese and Korean influence here.

Many of the hard good products here are manufactured in China. In addition, as most of we know there are many products we would consider substandard.  There are “rip offs” of known products, especially cell phones that look just like the real object. They are much cheaper but unfortunately, they do not work as the original or last.

Even with known foods turn out to be different. Most bread here has sugar and is sweet. Beef and pork are tougher then we are used to. This is because in most of the world pigs and cattle for meat are the males. Also at a young age, they are castrated so there is not testosterone to toughen the meat and the animal is smaller. Here they are hogs and bull meat. These animals are raised to their maximum size and because of this; their muscles are stronger so the meat will be tougher.

Being a nation of many islands fish is the main food protein source. In addition, rice is the main food staple. Most Filipinos eat rice at the three main meals a day. It is not a side dish or about a cup of rice, it is a huge pile of rice on the plate. Pork and chicken are eaten often, but the chickens are small. About pork, Filipinos love the fatty parts and because of this most of the pork, you see has a thick layer of fat.

Clothes in bigger sizes are hard to find and for some reason I do not understand, the size you see is smaller than in the US. I am not talking about small, medium or large. I am talking about things like slacks. In the US, I wore 36-inch waist. Here I need a 40-inch size. I have wide feet. Not only is it difficult to find a size 12, it has been impossible to find a wide or E width.
Traffic is something to get used to here. I have a friend riding with me the other day. He told me he had owned a car and had driven his whole life, but he would never attempt to drive here. Many foreigners hire drivers so they do not have to bother.

So, where are the good parts to living here? Well we all know, the biggest reason is the cost of living.  Even though some items are actually more expensive here, over all the cost of living is cheaper.  Where in the states can you live in a city area and have a nice two to four bedroom house in an upper scale gated community for around $85,000. Where can you go out for a nice steak dinner for $25? Where can you play golf with a golf cart and a caddy for around $30?

If you are a single man in the retirement age, where can you find a girl and have a relationship from an age of their early 20’s to 30’s? It might not be the exact relationship you think of in the States but you both get what you are looking for. You just need to set your needs and boundaries.

Is living in the Philippines a total paradise? No, but where is there a paradise.

I joked with Steve via email about his Christmas Day, with family there, how much English he heard during the day. In response Steve wrote another interesting article about now living in the Philippines.

Speak English to me! by Steve in Davao

Bruce emailed me the other day with this question. “I wonder once your daughter learns Bisayan and uses it on a daily basis and now your wife is back in her element, how much English you will hear.” He also asked if I hear many complete English sentences spoken in my house. It doesn’t sound like a real hard question, but it did set me to thinking.

The question actually cracked me up. I found it a rather funny question, and at the same time, a little disquieting, almost a plea for help (or at least a good conversation). I have only been here a short time and already I “get it”. Between my wife, her niece, who lives with us and my sister-in-law, who lives down the street, I rarely do hear full English sentences spoken in my house. To complicate things further, my brother-in-law is Japanese and we find ourselves hanging around his friends a lot. They are a great bunch of people and we enjoy being with them, but the language barrier does exist. Luckily, my 5 year old speaks good ole’ American English, but, a conversation with a five year old does have its limits. I do worry that she will start to lose her English over time.

I had not given a lot of thought to the language barrier until Bruce asked me about it. He mentioned that my daughter would soon be learning the Bisayan language and I would become even more isolated. He’s right! I will hear less and less English spoken as time goes by. I think that is why he asked the question. He is already feeling the effects of being a little isolated by language, you can only be the outsider on so many conversations, and you start to feel left out. Maybe I need to cultivate some new friendships between the English speaking population here in Davao. I already have plans to meet Bruce and Elena after the holidays. I think we will hit it off and we will become friends.

Note: My wife calls all non-Filipino looking people “Americans”. She said that includes all European or European descent, including Americans, African-Americans, Australians and just about all foreigners. So please bear with me if you’re not an American, but fit into her broad definition.

One observation I would like to get some opinions on. Have you noticed that most “Americans” you see, do not make eye contact and generally ignore each other? Am I mistaken on this or what? I actually stopped a Canadian family in a grocery store recently just to chat and they seemed a little taken back at first. We had a nice chat and enjoyed the conversation, but that was it. I have smiled and made eye contact with many “Americans” here, but most just look away and go about their business. I would have thought that we English speakers would seek each other out for conversation and possible friendship. I think I am starting to get a complex.

I once read an article in this forum that mentioned numerous organizations here, made up of expat’s. Expat and Foreigner Relationships in the Philippines
was the name of the article and you can read it under Bruce’s heading “culture”. Maybe that’s part of my reaching out to Bruce and Elena for friendship. Bruce might, in turn, be able to introduce me to other expat’s. I do not know how I pictured the expat community prior to coming here. I have not been here that long, but so far, I am not feeling very welcome. Is that only the impression of a newbie who has not given Davao a chance or are people that tight with their friendship? Let me know your thoughts on this.

Anyway, the longer I live here, the more Filipino, Japanese, Chinese and other languages I will hear and probably less and less English. That is not a problem because I don’t think I will “lose” my English, but I just might start to feel a little isolated at times.
In the meantime, anyone who wants a new friend, I speak English and I‘m available! ….Ha-ha!
Steve in Davao

A while back he mentioned that once he retires here, it there was something he needed from the States he would ask friends planning to visit to bring some items or have them ship it through a Balikbayan shipper.

Balikbayan shipping is a way to ship personal items and the shipping cost is based on box size and not weight.

Well, I joked, if he visited, I would like some Seagram’s 7, which has not been available in Davao. The next comment I received was just one word, “done”.

Since electronics are imported in the Philippines and with that a import tariff, I asked about purchasing for me an external disk drive to have for backup and then replacement if my large external drive ever crashes. He informed me a good system available that I did not know about was a docking station where you can just insert an internal drive. The price is less than the external drive type that I use and with it; I can have multiple drives to use. I was interested in a Terra drive, but he convinced me to get two 500 GB drives so I can alternate for backups.

There were a few other items I asked for that is not available, one being the PM type of non-aspirin pain relievers, like Tylenol PM. Again he said no problem. Well Monday evening they came to our house for dinner and with them all the items I requested. The price was even less than I expected. Since I am not a big drinker and rarely ever drank at home I was shocked to see two 1.75 liter bottles of Seagram’s 7.  I hope I can finish these bottles before the alcohol evaporates.

The main point of this article is to show the help, assistance and friendships that can develop over the internet. Here is a couple that read my site for the information I provide, and at times comment with any agreement or even disagreement. They planned a trip here and were willing to purchase and bring items I wanted and needed.

With an article about having hobbies, he decided to open his own site Philippines or Bust (Retiring in the Philippines) http://www.philippinesorbust.com/

I have met other readers from this site, some who live here and some that visit. One of the most memorable was meeting Evelyn, a Filipina from General Santos City that works as a Caregiver in California. When she came back to visit her family, she invited us to visit her city and gave us a tour. She and her friends were so friendly, gave is gifts and would not even let us pay for anything during the day.

This is one of the most delightful ways that shows how the internet makes the world smaller and the connections and friendships that can be formed.

Approximately thirty minutes after posting the article I received an email from PayPal that I received $2.10 USD (approx 100 pesos). This donation was from a Filipina reader from Luzon. This lady is someone who has followed my site for a long time now and through emails has gotten to know each other fairly well. She has some online and virtual businesses and at times we have both asked each other for advice on internet matters.

This lady does not have a lot of money and has times she struggles to support herself and her children. The amount is not a lot in value, but huge in feeling. I sent this lady a thank you email letting her know how thoughtful she was. She replied that her grandmother taught her “you receive more than you give.” She felt since she finds value from my site, and our friendship that has develop, she wanted to show her appreciation.

A few weeks later, I told her about how I met an American here in Davao that has a business supplying content for some large websites. I mentioned to this lady, it might be something she would be interested in applying for. No contact was made, but the next day I received $5.00 in my PayPal account from her again. As before I emailed her to thank her and she explained her reason again. She wrote back about her grandmother and how she was taught “Before your cup can be filled, you need to empty the existing contents.” She explained in her life, at times when she goes through her closet and takes out items she does not use, or worn and gives to a charity, or to someone in need, she receives new clothes as a gift or a money gift where she can go shopping.

I still have not been able to connect this lady with the man in the content business, but we still keep in contact to see how each is doing. Last week I received another donation. I saw her online in one of the chat programs and thanked her. She mentioned she was thinking about our friendship and decided, since she has a little extra in her account, to donate again.

Now, the amount she has giving me is just enough to maybe have a small meal, or something small, and not enough to support me or my family, but the value of her thought and friendship is riches.

It is also interesting with all the Foreigners that follow this site, ask for advice and or information, nobody else has donated. I do need to make this clear, I am not asking for, expecting, or even begging for my readers to support me. I realized a while ago, this site is something that has become part of me and I will not earn enough to support myself here. I will not get rich or even make enough for a good meal. I am just showing to all readers who have distrust or fears of making friendships with Filipinos, here is a lady with so little but has a need in her heart and soul to show her appreciation in our friendship, the value of my writings, how I try to teach other foreigners what to expect living here or just a visit and right or wrong, it is the way it is and it is their culture.

I know this lady will know I am writing about her, so in this puplic forum I want to say to her Thank You so much and I cherish and value our friendship. You are a wonderful lady. If your Grandmother is still alive, please tell her my admiration for how she has raised a wonderful person. If she is gone and up in heaven, I know that she is watching you and already knows.

At most businesses there are security guards at the doors. I usually will look to the guard and say hello and ask them how they are doing or say kumasta. I then stop and wait for their answer. Since we go to a local mall often, I have probably met most of the guards. Most of them will smile when they see me coming and we always exchange pleasantries. Also they will pat down the back of men entering the malls and look in carry bags for weapons. I usually carry a sling bag with a small laptop in it. From all my times seeing these guards, rarely do they make me open the bag and I get just a pat on the back.

There are others in the mall I have met. At one of the coffee shops, there is a guy that has a well trimmed thin beard. Most Filipinos do not have much or any facial hair and seeing such a stylish beard I once told him while having coffee how I admired his beard. Now if I walk by, he usually smiles and says hello.

There are ladies at the mall information desk where we get our shopping points that will always smile and say hello as I pass or if they pass me while there on break. If I am outside having a cigarette, there are many times some clerk going or returning from a break will see me, wave or walk over to say hello.

A few days ago I was at a coffee shop and I guy I recognized, but could not remember from where came up to me. He reminded me he worked at the firm I was at. When I started, he was on leave studying and taking his licensing boards. When he came back, he only worked about a week and then left to take a job in another city. Well, he sat down, offered to buy me a cup of coffee, offered to share some of the little cakes he bought. Then his wife came along and joined us. We sat for a while talking about how each other’s lives have been. We then exchanged cell numbers and then they left.

Also there are times, too many to mention when people come up to say hello and from all the people I have met and the time I have lived here, I will recognize but cannot remember names or from where.

The point of all this is how I enjoy meeting people and how a friendly smile, a kind word can make you more accepted an how many Filipinos enjoy saying hello. With their hospitality, they always want to share their friendship and food.

When we go to the mall, one of the places we often have lunch is Pizza Hut. We almost always order the same thing.  Now, we only eat there once a week at the most. With all the customers that eat there, most of the wait staff will come up with a smile and say “the usual?”

Also it amazes me, other places we go, even as infrequently as once a month, we will walk in and be greeted by our names and a smile. There was one waiter at a restaurant that remembered my special way to order one of their items. The amazing thing with him was, I had that on one of my visits and when I returned 6 months later, he remembered and asked if I wanted that item with my special changes.

To me, this is one of the reasons I enjoy living here and meeting people. Instead of being seen as an arrogant foreigner, you are looked at as someone they enjoy seeing.

I recently received and email. It was from someone who has a 70 year old friend who has had a stroke in the past and has some paralyzes. He lost most use of one hand and can only walk short distances. Online he met a 40 year old Filipina and now wants to sell everything and move here. He has not told the lady of his disabilities. I do not know what he has told her since I am relying on his friends email to me.

They ask me if this Filipina will accept a man in his conditions and will love and take care of him. There is no way I could honestly answer this question since I do not know the man or the lady.

Yes, Filipinos are a caring people and have no problems taking care of family even if it is part of the extended family. Is it love? If you look at olden time Europe and still in India there are/were arranged marriages. A father will arrange a marriage for a son or daughter. While thinking about this, I remember the song from “Fiddler on the Roof.”

In that movie Tevye the Milkman was talking to his wife and in a song asked his wife “Do you love me?” Each time he asked, she replied in song with that for 25 years she took care of him and listed how. He continued to ask and finally she answered “Do I love you? I guess I do.”

I feel in the beginning a woman looks at a foreigner man as a way to have a better and secure life. She will take care of his home, cook his meals, do his laundry, help him with life here and of course sleep with him and have sexual relations. Together she will learn his ways as a foreigner and she will teach him her way and the culture here. If all is well, in time real love will happen.

Now, I am not saying all women are good and want this, and I am not saying all women are out for a man’s money. There is no way of knowing. You need to take your time getting to know each other before making the decision.

As I have written in the past, Elena and I met online. We chatted and saw each other on cam. As we got to know each other better the frequency of meeting online increased. Eventually I wanted to meet her in person. I flew to Manila and flew here there too. We spent a week together. I then filed for a Fiancée Visa. Because of problems and delays it took time. I returned to the Philippines about a year later and visited her and her family for Christmas and New Years.

I returned again the following summer for 2 weeks and at that time Elena had her appointments in Manila for medical and visa interview. With the turn of the economy, I moved here before her visa was approved so we did not need it. During this time, Elena and I talked and saw each other every morning and evening every day online. We talked about our day, family and normal general things, so we got to know each other very well.

Even with all this contact, just as in any relationship, you never really know each other until you live together. There have been many learning experiences with Elena, our 3 nieces who live with us, their older brother and the rest of the family. There is the cultural difference, misunderstanding of common sayings and expressions and just habits.

When you first move here, with a tourist visa, you cannot open your own bank account. So what do you do? You open it in your ladies name. Do you want to put your money into an account of a lady you just met? A foreigner cannot own land. So maybe you want to buy a house. It has to be in her name. Do you want to put your life savings into a home that you can lose?

For anyone to meet someone online and develop a relationship, sell all their belongings and move to the Philippines, or anywhere in their country or around the world to me is totally crazy. What happens if you do this and it is a scam? You get off the plane and nobody is there to greet you. Or she walks off with your bank account or takes over your home. This can happen. In the Philippines, we are here with the permission of the Philippines. This permission can be easily taken away. Also if a Filipina wants to rip off a foreigner, who is there to help him? All a lady has to do is scream she was abused and she wins under the law protecting Women and Children. There are no laws to protect the foreigner. Many say there has never been a court case between a Filipino and a Foreigner and the Foreigner wins. I do not know that for a fact.

Back to the man I started this article about. He has some good friends in America that cares about him. I hope they help him understand the danger of his plans.