There are differences in all relationships no matter if you are from the same country, same culture, same racial background, same age range or any mix of them. Here you mostly see older retired men with young women. It is not just expat men, even many times you see older Filipinos with young women on their arm.
Here in the Philippines there is much poverty. Many families barely can afford a bowl of rice a day. Many employed Filipinos earn so little income it is difficult to feed and clothe their families. In the Provinces there is even less opportunities to earn a living. Because of this, many young people come to the cities to look for employment. However, the cities are so over populated; the competition for jobs is huge. Because of this, many families encourage their daughters to seek relationships with men from foreign countries on the internet or through friendships with Filipinas already involved in a relationship with a Foreigner.
Because many men from around the world find a strong attraction to Asian women and since English is spoken here to some degree by, most Filipinos women from the Philippines are very desirable.
There are different ways and reasons foreign men find Filipinas, enter into some form of relationship, and come to the Philippines. Some meet Filipinas in their home country and visit or move to the Philippines after retirement. Some meet a woman on line with the intention of bringing them back to their home country and come here to meet in person and some men move here after retirement to marry a woman they met online or to just play the dating game once they move here.
Now let us discuss a little about the age differences. On one forum site I saw a lot of activity of men bragging how much younger their wife was than their age. I wanted to joke and say my wife is so young, she has not been born yet. OK, it is a fact you see many men in their sixties with women in the early to mid twenties. These men will talk about how well their wife or girlfriend takes care of them. Their women cook, clean and do their laundry. The Filipinas take care of every need the man has and I am not talking about intimate details. The thing is, Filipinas are raised doing these things for their fathers and brothers. Men here are treated on a higher level in most instances. From an early age they are taught how to clean, cook and do laundry. To most, this is their duty.
Now let us look at why these women are interested in older men. I can answer in one word, Security. An older man, especially a foreigner is living on a pension, investments and many times more than one. These men will come here, live in an apartment or house of better quality than where the women family lives. They will eat better quality foods, wear better quality clothes and have a better quality of life. Is this love? To everyone, love has a different definition. Love is a word of a feeling, an emotion; it has no real description except for how each person describes it for himself or herself.
Many times a girl’s parents will support their daughter to use an internet café and if needed, live in another city in a boarding house to be able to find a foreigner husband. The family will expect the girl’s boyfriend to assist in the support of her family.
Some women want a foreign husband and to leave the Philippines, some prefer to stay. Again, each has their own reasons. From what I have learned from discussing this with different people I have met, I feel women who grew up in deep poverty want to escape this country and never look back. On the other hand, women that grew up in a better environment look for the foreigner to move here and upscale their living.
Now I want to discuss the types of women men meet here. Most men are attracted to all young women you see on the street, in the malls and in the bars. Everywhere you go you see many young, beautiful and sexy women. In addition, many of these women are interested in an older foreigner as I mentioned above. Many times young women we know ask if I know of a single foreigner. Then they say if I do know of some, would I give him to them.
One man I know who has retired here was commenting that most of the young women he has met are mostly looking for him to take them out dancing, drinking or meals and never let the relationship escalate to a more intimate level. When he takes them out, they bring a group of friends and he ends up picking up the bill for the whole crowd. He plans to remain in the Philippines. He would marry a woman who is honestly looking for a long-term relationship and not someone to pay the bills for a night out on the town. He asked a group of us, how he could find such a woman. My thought on this matter is this; does he honestly think a female in her early twenties sees an overweight foreigner in his sixties and thinks, “Wow, what a man, I am in love.” In my mind, they see a man and if they feel there is some level of compatibility, she would be content to marry him and improve her life and maybe help support her family.
He also mentioned he would like a woman that has some higher education and her English is better to easily talk with her and have discussions. I told him this is something I have thought about after hearing this from many men visiting here in Davao. Most of the females with a higher education are employed. They work in an office or a mall. These jobs usually are long hours. Some malls employees work from opening to closing, which is usually 10am to 10pm. If a mall has a midnight sale, these sales people are working even longer hours. Many of these girls are from the Provinces and came to Davao for better job opportunities. They do not make a lot of money and usually share a boarding house room. However, they usually speak better English and have a friendly manor and a happier outlook on life. With the long hours, most of these females go home after work and have no energy or free time to hang out in a disco or bar.
Therefore, who are the females available to party all night, the unemployed? These are the women out there trying to find a “rich” foreigner. They enjoy the drinking and dancing and have learned how to play up to a perspective foreigner. For some this is a way to find a future partner and some it is a business with a few men they are involved with.
Now, my feelings have developed over time here and I realize with the poverty and the high unemployment, this is a way for females to survive. Even the business of GRO’s (General Recreation Officers), females that work the bars. Some are available for extras and some are just there for men to have someone to dance, drink and talk with. Even prostitution is a means for a female, or male to support their family when regular employment is difficult to obtain.
Now I know many of you have other thoughts on this subject and some of you who will tell me I am wrong. This is my opinion and view from living here and things I have notices and heard. I welcome other views and stories. I just ask all comments be respectful to this site, any other visitor’s comments and me.