nav-left cat-right

cat-right



How life is different living in the Philippines (Family Dynamics)

What do I mean “life is different”; well there are many things that are different. There are some similar things but overall, even the similar things have a different twist to them. The best I can use to describe is things are 180 degrees opposite than life in America.

Family dynamics are so different. In America you have your immediate family, mother, father, brother and or sisters. Sometimes your close with them and sometimes you just exist in the same house while growing up.  Then you become an adult, move away and develop your own life. Aunts, uncles and cousins you hardly see except for yearly family get together. You might get a birthday card or now a day’s an email.  If you move away to a new city or state, you might just see them on holidays, weddings or funerals. If you go to visit them they might have a guest room, or else they book you in a local hotel.

Here it is the extended family. There is close contact with immediate family.  An older sibling is a Kuya or Ate. They get the respect from all the siblings younger than them. No matter what they do, or how they spend their life, they get the respect and the name.

There are always texts, phone calls or visits from Aunts, Uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews. IF they live in another city, they will come and stay for a few days. It is not a problem if there are not enough beds. They will sleep on the couches, or padding on the floor. They will usually bring fruits or other items available from their local area.Usually they help with the household chores.

In America, if you need to go to college, either your parents cover the cost or you get a student loan. If you have older siblings already out of school and having their own life, they would not consider offering you assistance. It just does not happen.

Here in the Philippines the family works hard to send their oldest child to college. If the parents cannot afford the total cost, then the extended family is asked to help. Once the child graduates and hopefully gets a job, it is their duty to help support the next child in line to go to school. And on and one until they all have attended school.

Life here is tough for a Filipino family. Even with a decent job, housing and normal costs of living takes a big bite out of the monthly salary. So to have an event like a wedding or baptism it takes time planning and saving.

That now brings up another difference. In the States, you try to take part of every paycheck to put into savings. If you’re lucky and have your paycheck direct deposited, you can have a part directly deposited into a savings. Also if you’re working, you probably have a credit card. Even with the interest, you can use it for important needs.

Here the attitude of many Filipinos is spend it when you have it and when it is gone, wait until you get more. Payday is the day they go shopping and if your young, a night out on the town. Meet your friends, listen to music and have a few drinks. Also go out and buy that new shirt or shoes.

Maybe you will want a motorcycle or a laptop computer. Save for it? Nope. You find a store with a low payment schedule. To use an old American saying, money burns holes in your pocket. You have it, spend it.

If you’re lucky to get a credit card here as a Filipino, the interest charge is insane.  Here there is only a 15 day grace period to pay the charge without interest and the interest is around 40% yearly.

Here, because of the high cost of living, I know of Filipino families who wait to have their child baptized for many months to save up for the costs and party. It might be a simple meal for guests in their home, but that savings can take many months. They need the cost of the chapel, the Priest, and food and beverage.

Even with the low wages and high unemployment, most Filipinos are friendly and still will find a smile to a friendly face.

I do need to say, and I want to make it clear, what I write is from personal experiences and views. I try to talk to Filipinos to confirm or clarify my observations.  You cannot say “ALL” of anything or any type of person. There are differences in all cultures and countries. Attitudes and feelings can be different, just like many Filipinos think all foreigners are rich. Some of us are just getting by. There are also some foreigners living in basic conditions with simple needs.

44 Responses to “How life is different living in the Philippines (Family Dynamics)”

  1. john says:

    yes you are compleatly right thats how their sytem works . you have put into words whats difficult for me to explain , an englishman who hadnt flow first time to manila to meet my wifes family a shock to the system or what? their way is differant to herein england but wrong?? i dont think so. just differant.

    • Bruce says:

      John,
      That is the hardest thing for a foreigners to get used to and an understanding. Just because we live differently in our home country, who is right. We think our way is better, and maybe it is, but how do you change a culture that has lived in a different way for years.

  2. Riza says:

    Hi Bruce, baby baptism is free, you don’t necessarily have to wait for a long time just to have it, but the celebration is the one making it uhm, hard. Because you have families, they expect you to put up a even at least a small party, so the parents wait, some are just plain lazy, and most are not really waiting, they can go with just Pansit on the table if not, the extended family or a family who has the money buys the baby clothing and registers the baby for a baptism. I guess in the Philippines, what we get and do is whatever that would work for us. 🙂 Linked you in blogspot.

    • Bruce says:

      Riza,
      I do not know if it is free, I think the Priest or Church has a fee. Either way, family occasions is a big event and once you start inviting, it is hard to put a cap on the amount of people.
      The baptism I was at did not have expensive foods but more the simple variety which was fine for me.

  3. Billy Escobar says:

    You pretty much hit it on the button. “Sacrifice” is a strong value for Filipinos in general. It is how the country survived war, corruption, colonialism and poverty.
    Sacrifice is not an easy quality and requires great patience, perseverance, humbleness and you have to be a god fearing person.
    Sometimes the sacrifice comes at the cost of using the best youthful years of your life. Something that few people are unable to do. I believe the reward for these selfless people is greater than we can imagine at this time.

    • Bruce says:

      Billy,
      Life, culture and living conditions are very different here and through a series of articles I will mention the differences from my perspective. Thanks for visiting.

  4. Riza says:

    Hmm…interesting, I guess its because I don’t necessarily need to pay…I dunno, but yeah, I guess I’m just blessed to have favor from people. I’m not bragging, but as long as I can remember, if you are good to people, they are nice to you too and the perks comes with it…no I’m not a freeloader, but I guess it’s just that, so I can’t say that what I might have in mind is accurate. Interesting though.

    • Bruce says:

      Riza,
      You are a good person, and good people usually attract good people in return. You need to be careful, good people also attract people who will take advantage.

  5. Banot Asawa says:

    Bruce,

    I totally hear what your saying 🙂 We are now helping with nieces college funds after finishing the youngest brother.

    • Bruce says:

      Banot,
      You are proof of what I was saying. Even though you are married and living in the United States you still have strong family bonds to assist your extended family. You and your kano husband are good people. I hope you continue to visit and comment. If you have any good stories about being a Filipina in America and would like to post here as a Guest Writer, you are welcome.

  6. Ok maybe the name i picked is confusing lol. mmmmmmmmm I have now modified it 🙂 slight modification means the world and btw i just replied to your mail

  7. Riza says:

    Brutally honest(not bragging please): My family thought of me once to marry a step-father’s comrade in the US Army and then divorce him after a year, I was 17. I ran away from home and lost my chance of petition because I haven’t even done the necessary steps in arranging for my important documents for passports and stuff, family members started giving me shoe sizes, wish list like walkmans, chocolates and other stuff. I thought to myself, I’m not going to bust my ass just to support the wantons of these people and break somebody else’s heart just to get a green card. Is it really green though? LOL. I don’t want to marry a foreigner just to give my family the comfort they need, they can work on their own. Now I’m a blacksheep, LOL.

    • Bruce says:

      Riza,
      have been the black sheep for years. It saves on birthday presents, I do not need to send any.
      I have heard of Filipinos looking at a relative that goes abroad and a way to get shipped what they cannot afford here.
      I know if mothers supporting daughters in internet cafes just to find a foreigner husband to support the family.

    • Christine says:

      Riza, good on you for standing up for yourself. While sacrifice is an honorable trait, I think it is unfair for the family to expect a daughter to sacrifice themselves by marrying a Kano just to help the rest of the family? Quite often, once a daughter gets to the west or a son gets to Saudi to work, a culture of dependency develops. That is, the whole family would come to depend on that someone abroad for just about everything, from the youngers siblings’ education to their medical expenses. Right now, a newly arrived Filipina I’ve befriended (she is also from Cebu) is under enormous stress because of demands for money from family back home. She is feeling so helpless because she cannot work (she is pregnant and their first child is only 2 years old), and she is ashamed to ask for more money from her husband because they are already sending a regular amount every month. Now because of the economic crisis, her husband has lost his job also. So she ended up borrowing money from her friends behind her husband’s back just to satisfy her family. In the meantime, her family in Cebu, especially her sisters just kept making babies, and then asks her to pay for their hospitalization as a result of giving birth! From what she tells us, her family are not particularly trying to get jobs. I could rattle a lot more examples of dependent families that burn-out their daughters abroad because of money demands. I’m sure there are families who donot rely on that daughter who married a Kano, but I have yet to know or meet one.

      • Bruce says:

        Christine,
        As much as I try to absorb and understand the culture, the mentality of many here is just difficult to fathom. Because of the high unemployment and poverty, it makes people do things or rely on others because it is the easiest way. It is almost like in Europe in the early centuries where people were sold into indentured service to pay a debt. Now there are indentured women almost sold into marriages with foreigners.

  8. wildcat75 says:

    Bruce ,
    My experienced made me a very independent person and i myself doesn’t need to marry a foreigner just to be able to give my family a better life coz my philosophy is ‘if i can make a different out of my life”, so will them ..They just need to be responsible and keep working hard and be focus on what they really want to achieve on their life… I know that some say if a foreigner marry a filipina he also married the whole family, it my also true coz it’s a part of filipino culture having a strong family ties but for me respect and acceptance are more than enough … i’ll probably will not tolerate my family to make my supposed husband (foreigner or pinoy) to shoulder my families financial difficulties not if i’m still alive…they’re survived then and so do now and it will not change whether i married or not….

    • Bruce says:

      Wildcat,
      Nice seeing you again. I admire you for your hard work and insight on life. I know you will do well as OFW and once you return.

  9. Kamrian says:

    After nearly three years of being married to my philippina wife, I am gradually getting used to the extended family idea.
    My wife is responsible within the family for putting two children to college who are next in line after her.
    Supporting them financially is also something she does. The thing I did notice is that instead of just sending money there and not knowing where it ends up, as happens with some of our friends, she makes them invest that money in something that can provide the family there with more income in the long run. The only exceptions to this are medical expenses and gifts.

    • Bruce says:

      Kamrian,
      I think you are doing a good thing, I just hope the support is going to the right places and usages.

  10. Kamrian says:

    Hi Bruce,

    It actually does. They show what they do with the money ( receipts mostly) and also show how the business is doing. Like breeding pigs and selling piglets for example.

    The funny thing in my eyes and probably something you don’t see to often in the philipines, is that they actually pay back the loan they receive, or ask our permission to invest in into another venture, or use it to extend a current one.

    Business minded I guess, which is a good thing for when we move to the philipines permenently. 😉

    • Bruce says:

      Kamrian,

      You are right, many Filipinos who borrow from a foreigner family member do not repay. You are lucky with the family you have here.

  11. brspiritus says:

    It’s also important to remember the extended-extended family or the Kampadres. These are people who are Ninong or Ninang to you or vice versa… you’re not just a Godfather but you are now a part of their extended family. You can also be Kampadre through close bond of personal friendship.

    • Bruce says:

      Brspiritus,

      Well the first I was Ninong for lives in Tangag and I never hear from him. The other 2, one wedding and one baptism live by WalingWaling and unless I need them, I do not hear from them either.
      I guess that is the best type of family, the ones you never hear from or want to borrow something.

  12. Gene says:

    Bruce,

    Thats a great post and good replies also. I also have gotten use to the pinoy way of doing things including family. Although I see the need for family helping family, I also see too much of the attitude thats its expected or a foregone conclution that help is available from ALL family members reguardless of household situation or economic concerns. That I do not agree with. Each family and family situation is different and often fluid. So to instill the guilt trip on a family or family member that is not helping-to me is wrong.
    Another thorn under my saddle is uninvited vists by extended family members. The ones that come inroute to somewhere else or stop by for an hour or two are no problem usually. But the ones that frost my cake are the ones that just drop in unannounced and uninvited with bag and baggage all set to stay for a week or so. Love the family but hate the lack of thinking by family members that either dont realise or maybe just dont care that NOW just might not be a good time.
    Last time that happened here I was about to go atomic. Then had an interesting thougt that I shared with my wife. Stop buying and furnishing the meals. When they get hungry and the frige and shelvs are empty—they will go. For once I was right and it worked without an eviction order or my blood pressure going through the roof.
    So from now on when that happens I’m not going to sweat it. Just cut off the food and kick back and wait a few hours to reclaim my abode…

    • Bruce says:

      Gene,
      I have heard many stories such as yours and that is the reason some Foreigner/Filipina couples move from the area were here family lives.

      There is one man I know whose wife’s family visits often. He told them they need to provide rice when they come to visit. He told me they bring 5 kilos of rice and there is usually rice left when they leave.

      Most of Elena’s family live in Surigao Province and do not visit often. When they do, they usually bring a box of crabs or a cooler of shrimp.

      Yesterday our sister-in-law arrived with her daughter. She is a recent graduate of Midwifery and they had asked if she could stay here for 2 months to attend review school and take her boards. We agreed but told them we would provide room and board. Her school review school tuition, board fees, transportation and allowance will be covered by them. We also told them, even though we have a domestic helper, our niece will have chores to do too.
      When they arrived, they had a big box full of living fresh crabs.

      As I have stated in the past, it is one thing being family, but limits need to be set and an understanding a foreigner is not to be expected to support their wife’s whole extended family.

  13. Jon says:

    I stumbled by accident on your website through the website of another by just googling something and then it kind of interesting and hooked me to explore it. what an informative site especially learning this culture.
    By the way Im a Filipino who became an American citizen a few years back and married to a Filipina who is also a naturalized American.
    I really like america, in fact even before I came to america, I already “dream”, “breathe”,”sleep” and “eat” with it. I think for me america is everything. My co-workers even joked that Im really an American patriot because I never fail to wear my tiny US flag pin everytime I go to work.
    And with this…..I think I lost also or intentionally left behind what filipino is including culture(except pacquiao)but my wife remains a filipina by heart.
    That’s why you nailed it here and for me to reoriented where I came from look back to this kind of culture.
    You are right that the oldest sibling who is more blessed will extend that blessings to the other siblings…and if he is more generous and more blssed, will even share that blessings to other distant relatives.Like what my big brother did when he first came to the US. I am what i am today because of that extended blessings he gave. Now I don’t do what he did, first, because we are all finished schooling now and all have jobs, and second, probably im not that generous:)
    Yes those extended families sometimes irritate me or maybe you too before, it irritates me that most of them think that we in america are all rich that we just shovel millions of dollars in the streets of america for free. A culture that on your birthday , they expect you to buy them anything…..and etc..truly those things irritate me….
    But what i don’t realized is that I used to be like that too an irritant to some balikbayans from US who come back to the philippines and so excited of their presents which I told them to bring……

    • Bruce says:

      Jon,
      Life and culture is defiantly different. In America, you are lucky if your parents help you and cannot expect siblings or extended family to give you a dime in need. He it is expected.
      As an American in the Philippines with a Filipino extended family, many think I am rich and boldly as for gifts until I explain how my money is tight and cannot afford to support them. If they are insulted and stop visiting me, that is their choice.

  14. Anonymous says:

    I’m planning another trip to the Philippines, to visit my Filipino boyfriend who is there now. Last time we were there together, it seemed to be that everyone does everything together and I was the one to foot all the bills. I was trying to be nice, and wanted them to like me. But I ended up paying for so many things for everybody. Who says a trip to the Philippines is cheap. I am worried that my upcoming visit will be the same problem so I think I will have to set ground rules and not do any activities with the entire family. It saddens me , the thought of avoiding everyone, but I am living in fear of a simple trip to the mall, when 7 or more family members might come along and I am the only one with enough money to buy lunch. I am a little bit broke and spent over my budget on a ticket there. They all seem to think that I am rich. Well, maybe I am to them, but I still need to save my money!

    • Bruce says:

      Anonymous,
      With your first trip you opened the door to be an open wallet to your friends family. I think you need to explain your concerns to your friend before your arrival. Set boundaries before you get here. If your friend acts insulted, then maybe you were only invited to spend your money.

      • Maria says:

        I appreciate your response to Anonymous. I can relate to her experience. I believe I will set boundaries for our next vacation and explain our concerns, but my inlaws are soo very sensitive. Maybe I’m not ready to be the one to be hated as the only one (Filipina born in America) who married into my husband’s family. We end up paying for family outings, meals and prior to our trip gifts are given to each inlaw and their family members. I told my husband that a simple family gift of a box of chocolates or a beautiful set of California almonds would be gifts that I would appreciate if I were the one to receive it. But, he said it should be nicer gifts. I don’t get it. After we spend so much on all their gifts, we are given filipino candies when we return home. All my inlaws are well educated, have good jobs, cars, their children attend Catholic schools, and each inlaw family has at least 2 additional residential properties they rent out for additional income. It just irks me that I work soo hard to save for a family vacation and money for my own family to spend, yet it goes to gifts to inlaws and each and every niece and nephew. I love our motherland, the Philippines, very much but this gift giving concept is really unacceptable to me; it actually makes me nuts. What can you say about my situation? Help!

  15. gabriela says:

    hallo bruce !i can totally agree with you.i am a filipino too. i am now in germany and married to a german citizen,and we have a 6 yr old child.yesterday i had a chat with my friend since college days, who lives in philippines.we used to chat, not too often but we always tried to keep in touch.i just borrowed some money from her,about 50 euro 2 weeks ago, to send it to my sister who is also in philippines.yesterday she just received my payment- i send her 60 euro, i added 10 euro as my way of saying thank you.when we were chatting,out of the blue,she mentioned she had a neighboor who married a foreigner from belgium.and that she dont like her anymore because she started to be arrogant.she also added, ” hmp,they can´t even afford for a hotel,instead they stayed in her( filipina) family´s house.for sure the foreigner is just a simply worker there ”
    With her statement,i told her she can´t easily judge their financial status just by staying at the filipina´s house and not in a hotel.i also said, well i agree with u,if she became arrogant just beacuse she got a foreigner then she can really cause a vomit.especially if all the sources of everything she has now is from his foreigner husband. after i said that bruce,my friend replied “that´s okay, as long as the husband is not selfish ” i really wonder why she talked like that,as if she was telling those words for me!so i told her,u know what tha´s the typical way of filipino thinking,once the husband can´t give something to the filipina family or so,the husband is selfish !then she replied “what is euro in peso?”, so i replied “ja that´s exactly the mistake, we always think euro is big so we are richer here?without thinking the standard living here? that´s how our conversation ends.coz she signed out without saying goodbye to me.

    • Bruce says:

      Gabriela,

      I hear all the time how Filipinos think everyone in America and Europe are rich. I do agree, most of the poor in America live better than the poor or lower class workers here, but everything is based on the country, the people and the past. Your fried sounds like a contradiction. She complains about the foreigner staying at a neighbors and then says as long as he is not selfish. As with gossip or Tsismis here, many Filipinos have and need to talk about everyone, whether they know the persons involved or just to open their mouth and cause trouble.

      One favor, you sound educated, but could you try using upper case letters when needed. Your comment is difficult to read.

      • gabriela says:

        hi bruce, its me again !
        partly i understand why my friend can say something like that- because her ( still married but separate )boyfriend is a businessman , and used to give her and her family a help or support anytime she needed.but i want her to understant or to know that first and foremost, my german husband has their own culture – we just can´t expect them to follow ours just because he has a filipina wife.i also find it unfair, if its just always the foreigner has to adjust- as a couple we have to understand each other´s views or cultures. but isnt it a shame to put the responsibility to them ( foreigner husbands /wives ), which they should not shoulder ?first of all, we are a family, we have our own expenses and he has to make sure we live a good and safe life,especially to our child.we help my family in philippines too, but only if it´s an emergency or necessary cases.you know bruce, everytime we send some money to my family, we also have to reduce our expenses here to be able to give some for them.and yet, some people will say my husband is selfish just because we can´t send money anytime they ask for something, or a business investment like some filipinas who got a foreigner husband, or some luxury things like owning a computer, even if it´s already hard to bring food at home everyday.you know bruce, its not the words “WE DON´T “, it is ” WE CAN NOT “. and filipinos dont understand and will not even try to consider that fact.i told my friend, why some (not all) foreigners has less respect to us, is because we give them the reason. to some , they even called our style of marrying them, a bargain .because some ( i will not say in general ) only marry a foreinger for money , for financial security including the rest of the family (which i feel really pity for the foreigner), even if there is no love involved (yet,maybe later it grows).i said i feel pity for the foreigners because i am in a situation where the filipinos think bad about my husband or put him down( without him knowing it), just because we are not rich or we dont have money to support my family in philippines.i also feel sorry for my family but what can i do ? we just can give what we can give.we just can give if we have. even if its not his responsibilty.

        • Bruce says:

          Gabriela,

          Please I ask again, use Capital letters at the start of a sentence and peoples names. Also paragraph breaks. Your comments are informative and I would like all readers to easily read your comments and enjoy what you have to say.

          You are correct, many Filipinos think all foreigners are rich, either living in the Philippines or abroad. Especially with the economic conditions around the world many people do not have jobs, or if they do, their income is just enough to survive.

          Here in the Philippines I am still asked from many Filipinos while their hand is out “Where is my Christmas present.” Even in America we do not give gifts to everyone we know. Here it feels insulting to be asked constantly. I usually reply with my hand out, “Where is my gift?”

          I know the Filipino culture is to help others in need such as some rice or food if a friend has nothing to feed their family. But to ask casual friends from abroad to support them is not something most cultures do. Plus as you mention, you and your husband help when you can, but you have expenses and need to survive too.

          I would tell your friends your situation and if they cannot understand, and are insulted that you will not help, then they are not a true friend.

      • who cares says:

        you talking so sense at all

    • sam baney says:

      I plan to move in march but my main thing is how to get my money without all the fee’s i read about ? I get SSD my plan was to go Direct Deposit on a Visa Debit card but how good are they there? Any help you can give me would be great I’m also not PC smart so what ever you can help me with would be great. Sam

  16. gabriela says:

    hi bruce, its me again !
    partly i understand why my friend can say something like that- because her ( still married but separate )boyfriend is a businessman , and used to give her and her family a help or support anytime she needed.but i want her to understant or to know that first and foremost, my german husband has their own culture – we just can´t expect them to follow ours just because he has a filipina wife.i also find it unfair, if its just always the foreigner has to adjust- as a couple we have to understand each other´s views or cultures. but isnt it a shame to put the responsibility to them ( foreigner husbands /wives ), which they should not shoulder ?first of all, we are a family, we have our own expenses and he has to make sure we live a good and safe life,especially to our child.we help my family in philippines too, but only if it´s an emergency or necessary cases.you know bruce, everytime we send some money to my family, we also have to reduce our expenses here to be able to give some for them.and yet, some people will say my husband is selfish just because we can´t send money anytime they ask for something, or a business investment
    like some filipinas who got a foreigner husband, or some luxury things like owning a computer, even if it´s already hard to bring food at home everyday.you know bruce, its not the words “WE DON´T “, it is ” WE CAN NOT “. and filipinos dont understand and will not even try to consider that fact.i told my friend, why some (not all) foreigners has less respect to us, is because we give them the reason. to some , they even called our style of marrying them, a bargain .because some ( i will not say in general ) only marry a foreinger for money , for financial security including the rest of the family (which i feel really pity for the foreigner), even if there is no love involved (yet,maybe later it grows).i said i feel pity for the foreigners because i am in a situation where the filipinos think bad about my husband or put him down( without him knowing it), just because we are not rich or we dont have money to support my family in philippines.i also feel sorry for my family but what can i do ? we just can give what we can give.we just can give if we have. even if its not his responsibilty.

    • Bruce says:

      Gabriela,

      You are right. Many times in an argument, my wife tells m “you are not in America.” I believe in respect for peoples belongings. When family is here with little kids and they run around and jump on furniture, I ask their parent to control them. I am then told “They are kids, they do not know.”

      I tell them, I was taught as a child how to respect belongings, especially in others homes. Here kids are allowed to destroy anything and it is ok.

  17. anonymous says:

    Hi Bruce,
    I am married by African guy, currently living in Davao.
    But i have a very big problem when my husband and i decided to stay here.my parents, brothers and sisters look at my husband as a very bad guy, because my husband cannot give what they want,they hate me too.They like to compare my husband to some other foreigner that they build big houses for the parents of thier wife,and for them my husband dont build. i felt bad because for me my husband is very good guy, he is very responsible.we have one year old son.My father is shy to the neighbors around because her daughter married foriegner but he is staying in his old wooden house.They dont know how to appreciate small things i gave to them.Its too much pressure for me because i have my life to live too.if my husband complain because they are watching tv in our sala the whole day, they also say bad to my husband.Sometimes i felt regret why we decided to live here.

    • Bruce says:

      Anonymous,

      As I have seen Filipino families think all foreigners are rich and try to take advantage of the couple. They are the same with family members who work abroad and come back to visit. At times I think they are vultures. I know many are poor, but the lack or respect is terrible.

  18. anonymous says:

    Im very shy to my husband, maybe if he dont love me already leave me alone. Sometimes Filipino dont know what family means, once you are married either foreigner or Filipino, you are out of your parents.Your family is your husband and your kids.your parents and your brothers&sisters is your extended family.And because im married my first priority is my son. If they understand what family means maybe they will let me and my husband go on with our life.If the parents cannot support thier kids until they can support themselves ,,the parents is not bad, but if me as a daughter cannot give what they want cannot help is a bad daughter,,,who have more responsible me or my parents???????/why they cannot wait with what i can afford to give??

  19. Davila John Thomas says:

    Bruce, god to see your busy trying to inform others of the culture here in the Phils.
    New here myself (March of 2011) but having served in the Military in other countries I guess it is a bit easier for me to adapt to the life style here in the Phils. Also my wifes entire family has gone to and graduated from college and all have a professional job that keep them busy, along with a family.
    Have I been to lucky not to have been asked to help support her extended family? Not so, just that we talked before my arrival here that it is not my intentions to provide for each and everyone else. Raised in a family of 9 kids myself, I know how hard it can be to make ends meet so
    I limit the amounts we spend here, creating a savings for the wife if I pass on before her.
    Love your answers to others, keep up the great work. I will be looking for more postings from you soon…..John

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *